Woe is us!!
For we have used duplicated exclamation marks!!
OUR SINS HAVE FOUND US OUT.
And our emojis have let us down.... 😕
And we have, constantly, and - sometimes - deliberately - used too much punctuation, in our sentences: which is wrong.
We have broken the rules of informal communication set down by Uffizi gallery director, Eike Schmidt.
Who seems to be another of those people that, if unable to achieve anything of real worth, instead interfere with people's writing style. Like Jacob Rees Mogg, (remember him?) who wanted people to use very impractical and very outdated measuring systems, and Thérèse Coffey.
Who covered up her manifold unachievements in areas that matter by saying people in her department should be positive, be precise, and avoid Oxford commas.
Though, to be honest, WE DON'T CARE?!
These people are dinosaurs. If Eike Schmidt had been around during the Renaissance he'd have tried to ban them reproducing Danté's work using the printing press and demanded everything be written out with quills. If Rees Mogg had been there with King Cnut he'd have sneered at the sea, and threatened to send the waves to Rwanda if they didn't go back out. If Thérèse Coffey had ascended to the throne in the 16th Century it would have been even worse than it was.
Let these little jackasses preen as they want. In 100 years' time, everyone'llAllBeUsingCamelCaseToCommunicate. andNobodyWillCareWhatEikeSchmidtWanted. 😉
Hymn: Ring out Solstice Bells
Archdruid: As the sun sets over the woods of Woburn Abbey, let us proclaim our Solstice Lament.
All: Raise your banners high / Don't die, Sun, don't die.
Archdruid: Ah no, it's gone.
All: Raise your banners high / Goodbye, Sun, goodbye.
Archdruid: At this death of the year, the sun returns to its long rest. / The earth shudders, the flustercock* heads to its nest.
All: It is the end of times. It is the start of times.
Archdruid: Raise your seasonal mistletoe
All: And snog the next person in the row?
Archdruid: No.
All: Thank goodness for that.
Archdruid: Let us take a moment to mark the passing of this solar year. We have travelled round the sun 4.6 billion times.
Burton: That's quite a round number. Shouldn't we have had a bit more of a party?
Archdruid: It's an approximation.
Young Keith: Any chance of a pint?
Archdruid: The ancient Beaker People gathered at their stone circles today. Feasted on their slaughtered pigs and called on the sun to return.
Young Keith: But they probably had a jar of mead?
Archdruid: A beaker, you mean?
Young Keith: Good point.
Archdruid: But not till they'd lit the Wicker Person.
Hymn: It's the End of the World as we Know it
The Beaker Folk may bump into each other in the dark, as they return to the Great House.
* ancient Bedfordshire word for a male pheasant, which I just made up
I see that the church of All Saints with Holy Trinity, Loughborough, have caused "fury" by using changed the words to "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen". This is the MSN account of the Mail article - I hope the Mail may get slightly less in the way of pay-per-click if you read it there.
I must say, when you dig in, the fury appears to be confined to the ubiquitously shocked Sam Margrave, and serial tweet-deleter Matthew Firth. So the thought of them fuming away in their front rooms, though amusing, is not unusual.
First up, well done to the Rector, the Awesome Wendy Dalrymple, who made sure the comma was in the right place. The number of times it's implied that the Gentlemen were just sitting around merry, by someone putting the comma after "Ye". I don't normally notice the rest of the lyrics anyway if I'm still in a state of fury over that.
In one way, it's just a shame that the lovely folk of Loughborough chose to use that hymn for these sentiments. Because the actual hymn, regardless of comma, is a pretty-near paraphrase of the narrative of Luke 2 - which is how, by avoiding the wokeist censoring of the Mail's predecessors, the Puritans, it was allowed to be sung in church at all.
But the Mail is not being as conservative as it might be.
Querying Wikipedia, I notice that this is the oldest version known of the carol:
Where is the outrage that this hymn was changed in the 18th century? Was Mercurius Rusticus up in arms? And also, worst of all...
That "ye" is wrong. It's a deliberate, and incorrect, use of an archaic nominative pronoun. In Wyclif's translation of Luke 2, we have "do not ye dread" - but that is using "ye" as the subject. Here in the hymn, "ye" is the object - God is the subject, ie the one originating the verb (isn't God, in a very real sense, always?) and so that "ye" should be "you". Or maybe even "yow", if you're from Walsall or the 16th Century or both.
Honestly. These people strain at gnats and swallow camels.
And wouldn't "God Rest You Merry, Gentlefolk" have been more inclusive?This afternoon's commemoration will be in the Cowboy Suite.
Please bring a Mexican Sofa to sit on.
The sermon will be based on the need to grasp each valuable day as if it could be the last. "We'll never pass this way again."
After the conclusion of the "No Victims" instrumental outlet, I'm glad to announce we will be able to get supper from Elvis's Mobile Chiporama. Times are hard, and he had to close the shop. I don't wanna change the world. But we really could do with a New England.
Upon the Sundays in Advent the Advent Candles are to be lit as follows. On each Sunday shall be lit by the Ordinary if he is present, or the curate of the parish or, if there are children present, the one least likely to set themselves on fire - firstly all the candles that have been lit in previous weeks, and then the candle for the week. The priest saying the prayers appropriate to the Sunday and the people saying after him.
ON THE FIRST SUNDAY IN ADVENT
Almighty God, who knoweth how grievously we have fallen in sin and walk in darkness, bless the lighting of this first, purple, candle, which shineth as a reminder of God's holy people who walked in darkness yet saw afar off what we - miserable worms that we are - have seen: the Gospel of light.* And let the lighting of this candle, miserably as it is done, be a blessing unto us.
ON THE SECOND SUNDAY IN ADVENT
Most forgiving God, who knoweth that we are no less sinful than we were last week, nevertheless we beseech thee to bless the lighting of this second, purple, candle, which shineth as a reminder of God's holy Prophets who saw the hope of the salvation to be brought through Jesus and humbly wrote thy words in their scrolls to show us our utter sinfulness and disgrace. How can the lighting of an humble candle save us from thy deserved wrath? Yet accept this second light, weak and feeble as it be, and let it burn to thy glory.
ON THE THIRD SUNDAY IN ADVENT
Most gracious God, who knoweth how terribly we have failed thee since last week, there being no health in us, even after two candles: send thy blessing unto us as we light this third, rose, candle. Knowing that there are some who are so fallen that they believe that we should light instead it next week for Mary, because she is a girl. Forgive thou them that call this candle "pink" instead of rose. And in thy mercy give us strength to hear yet again the story of why it's called "Gaudete" Sunday and the Steeleye Span mention.
ON THE FOURTH SUNDAY IN ADVENT
Most merciful God, remembering how unacceptable in thy sight our candle-lighting must appear in comparison to thy inestimable glory, even on this fourth attempt, bless the little flame that we here kindle in blessed memory of the mother of our Saviour, in thy mercy overlooking that we lighted another rose one for her after all so little Denis wouldn't cry, and let its remembrance keep us from the much larger flames of Hell.
ON CHRISTMAS DAY
Most merciful God, as we light the white candle on this most holy day, and wonder whether we should light it before or after the replacement purple candle because the first one has burned all the way out, forgive us our manifest sins which we wholly repent in tears and ashes, begging Thy mercy for our heinous sinfulness. And a Happy Christmas to one and all.
*If the First Sunday falls in November, he shall add
And let those who are confused why we are lighting the candle in November because they think Advent starts on the First Day of December be led into the truth.
There's a lot of Anglican Twitter Discourse, in these dying days of Anglicanism. And dying days of Twitter. And dying days of discourse. Anyway. There is a lot of talk of people jumping the gun on Christmas, lighting things up too early, having Black Friday Communions, and so on.
So we thought we'd get back to basics. Do something lovely and traditonal. Find the roots of the faith in these islands. A Proper Celtic Advent.
Two days in, and it's been mixed. There was a nice bit - basically before I got up on Sunday morning. Then two days of eating nothing but soggy oatmeal has certainly got us into a mystical state of mind.
But the Traditional Advent Sunday Worship was controversial. Three hours of the Beaker Folk standing up to their necks in the Duck Pond wearing hair shirts, in the dark, while Hnaef screamed at them that they were sinners in Latin.
I should make that clear. Hnaef was screaming in Latin. They weren's sinning in Latin. Apart from maybe a few peccadillos.
So I'm glad we've done Advent properly. And just in time. Father Santa's Festival of Tea Lights is in the Moot House from tomorrow. 4 weeks of twinkly loveliness, the smell of mince pies and mulled wine. I can't wait.
I do feel like we've earned the happy bits now though. Having done Advent properly.
The Guardian reports that the Church of England has noticed that the World Cup Final clashes with Carol Service Sunday (as the 4th in Advent should really be titled).
I'll be honest - this is a bit late to notice. All over the country, parish mags are already being printed on laser printers, linotypes, banda machines and carved out potatoes. The copy deadlines have gone, the harvest is done, and we have not been saved from this calendar clash.
Well, obviously, the Beaker Folk have.We noticed months ago.
That's why on the Saturday before, we will be holding our Night of 6,500 tea lights, one for each migrant worker who died building the stadiums in Qatar. Sunday 18th is being officially renamed Rainbow Day. We are holding our Service of Staring at 4.45 pm that day - ie just before the end of normal time in the final. Anyone arriving late will be stared at. In the case of extra time, we will stare at them during Coffee Time. And we have the special Qatar World Cup Advent Calendar. Each door you open constains the message "Don't watch the World Cup".
Meanwhile the Church Support Hub has a number of suggestions of how Christians can integrate trying to pretend they're doing Christian things with the secular world watching football. These include watching the game, showing the game (if the church has a TV licence, presumably), a Football Nativity, or having a Sports Quiz and Carols at an "alternative" time to the final. Conveniently you can download the quiz here, so if you're invited to a Quiz and Carols: you know what to do.
Down well below the fold on the Church Support Hub, there's a link to a piece on the morality (or not) of Qatar hosting the Christmas World Cup. I note that Libby Lane, Bishop of Derby, is the C of E's "lead bishop" on sport. I look forward to hearing who the lead bishops are for ceramics, crane manufacture, doilies, matt paints in pastel colours, and Christmas decorations.
