Hymnwriters Go Shopping Number 6 - Sydney Carter

Shopkeeper: Hello, Mr Carter. What are you looking for?

Sydney Carter: Hello, O guardian of the shop. I need to write a heretical song, yet one whose folksy whimsy makes people think it's down with the youth.

Shopkeeper: A challenge indeed. Even for a songsmith as dreadful as yourself. But why are you here in this furniture shop?

SC: I've invited some friends round to help. The world's worst artist: Andy Warhol. The world's worst hippy songwriter: John Lennon. And the world's worst poet: William McGonagall. I'm hoping having such low-quality company will inspire me to write something really terrible.

Shopkeeper: So why are you here?

SC: I only have one chair currently in my Whimsytorium, where I write terrible hymns. I need adequate seating.

Shopkeeper: So you need a three-seater piece of furniture for your guests?

SC: Correct. 

Shopkeeper: And given such unexciting company, you'll be wanting a really colourful item of furniture? Brighten things up?

SC: Not at all. Last time I let Lennon sit on a brightly-coloured seat, he wrote "Imagine." We can't run the risk of anything so tragic happening again. I need a dull colour. Beige?

Shopkeeper: Cream? Brown? Buff?

SC: Something in between. I need an uninteresting, light grey-brown, three-seater.

Shopkeeper: I have just the thing over there I think - in the clearance section. I've been wanting to sell it off cheap because I'm sick of the sight of it.

SC:You don't like it?

Shopkeeper: I am so bored of the dun settee.

SC: Actually, forget it. I may not need my guests after all.

Hymnwriters Go Shopping Number 5 - Robin Mark

Assistant: Welcome to Harrods, Mr Mark. How can I help you?

Robin Mark: I was wondering if you could explain what is the meaning of some of the department signs. What is "Haberdashery?"

Assistant: Being Harrods, this is where you will find the high-class buttons and sewing requisites.

Robin Mark: And the Salon de Parfums?

Assistant: That is where we keep the fine scents and colognes.

Robin Mark: And the lingerie department?

Assistant: That is where we keep expensive items of underclothing. Such as the dear pants.

At 6s and 7s

Having to calm everyone down after this morning's hymn numbers that Young Keith chose. To wit:

996

969

699

696

966.

It's not that they fitted the readings or the sermon. He just wanted to upset Bryn, who does the hymn numbers on the board. That's a lot of Tippex and number 8's he's gone through today.

The Shiny-Shoed Prophet Syndrome

He picked up the mantle of Elijah that had fallen from him, and went back and stood on the bank of the Jordan. He took the mantle of Elijah that had fallen from him, and struck the water, saying, ‘Where is the Lord, the God of Elijah?’ When he had struck the water, the water was parted to the one side and to the other, and Elisha went over.
When the company of prophetswho were at Jericho saw him at a distance, they declared, ‘The spirit of Elijah rests on Elisha.’ They came to meet him and bowed to the ground before him. (2 Kings 2:13-15)

 Bit of an odd character, Elisha. Only summoner of boy-eating bears recorded in the Bible. Famously bald.

And it appears he really wasn't happy about Elijah going up to heaven. Because every time someone tells him Elijah is going to be carried off, Elisha tells them to be quiet. Obviously he doesn't want to lose his boss. But is he wondering whether he'll be up to the job - Elijah's some act to follow obviously.

But it's going to happen. And he knows he needs the full inheritace of the Spirit from Elijah if he's going to take on the job.

Now, couple of comments about business (and politics, and often the church) here. 

We confuse confidence with competence. What is it that so many people get fooled by a fool who can talk a good game? Why do evangelicals always need to follow a visionary? Why are they always, in Michael Saward's phrase, "suckers for a prophet"? We always follow the people who believe they're good - forgetting that they may be too dim to know how unqualified they are for the job. Don't fall for the chap who turns up to an interview with shiny shoes, and think he's the one to do a great job - his mum probably shone them for him before he went out. Ask hard questions.  Don't be dazzled by the shiny shoes.

And how often to businesses bring people in to follow roles, rather than promoting people into vacancies? I've often wondered why it is - and I suspect it's because they know the flaws of the people they've got in the business already. Whereas they can believe anything they like about someone they bring in from the outside. Particularly if they have shiny shoes.

Whereas God is clearly planning to promote Elisha. And he doesn't like it. Maybe his shoes aren't shiny enough.

But what Elijah does know is - if he's going to do the job God clearly have in mind for him - he's only going to do it in the power of God's Spirit. When that chariot goes up into heaven - he's going to need the mantle of Elijah.

And what humility he shows. When he approaches the Jordan, he knows that Elijah crossed it using his mantle - and he does the same thing. But he doesn't do it in his own strength, he does it in humble trust in the Spirit: "Where is the Lord, the God of Elijah?" and he gets his answer. The Lord, the God of Elijah, is his God as well.

Don't trust in shiny shoes. Don't trust in people whose confidence outweighs their competence. Trust in the God of Elijah. It's likely that God is expecting you to do something. If so, don't trust in your ability. But don't doubt it either. Trust in the God of Elijah.

Hymnwriters Go Shopping Number 4 - Pete Seeger

Shopkeeper: Look, chum, have you come in to buy some stationery? Or are you just going to stand there describing it?

A Midsummer Night's Bream

I know this really doesn't have much to do with the Saint himself. But Beaker Folk are invited to this evening's All Night Angler Church to celebrate St John's Eve.

The idea is to have a seeker-friendly event where we can sit quietly, in the stillness around the duckpond, consider our calling to be Fishers for People, and wait for the sight of the sun rising within the great Trilithon of Duckhenge. Before we then move Duckhenge round to the other end of the pond, ready for the Winter Solstice sunset.

Every hour, we will hear a reading from the Good Book ("Fly Fishing" by J.R.Hartley)

Sitting around the pond, attentively, gives a very real sense of mindfulness. And the fact that there are no fish in the pond means we will not have the distraction of catching anything. The perfect Midssumer Night.

Except for the Beaker Fertility Folk. They have their own ideas of what to do on Midsummer's Night. I'll stay with All Night Angler Church.

The Beaker Initiation Environmental Promises

I note that the Diocese of Oxford has jumped on the green bandwagon with its new post-baptism promises to protect the environment.

Although its aims to insulate vicarages might be more effective in the real world, on the slightly-vague-promises-we-sort-of-want-to-keep plane, they're still a way behind us.

In our last post-naming-ceremony, for instance, Orik gave the following affirmations:

Archdruid: Do you commit yourself to getting around more by bike, or failing that a Tesla?

Candidate: Oh yes. Definitely the Tesla.

Archdruid: That wasn't an "exclusive-or".

Candidate: Sure. 

Archdruid: Do you promise to shop only in environmentally aware shops, or Co-op?

Candidate: Or Waitrose?

Archdruid: Oh yes. Waitrose is lovely.

All: It's a bit pricier, but you get what you pay for.

Archdruid: Will you stop burning tyres in Top Field?

Candidate: And give up my livelihood?

Archdruid: Environmental decisions can be tricky.

Candidate: I'll offset some CO2 by planting a tree.

Archdruid: Will you only fly for really good business reasons, which you definitely can't fulfil by Zoom, and definitely aren't jollies to Amsterdam?

Candidate: Definitely. Can I bring you something back next time?

Archdruid: Redcurrant gin?

Candidate: Absolutely.

Archdruid: Will you use only ineffective green detergent for washing purposes in your house, so you can go around in slightly gray "whites" with a martyr's smile?

Candidate: Of course. But I'll still need Turtle Wax for the Tesla.

The Performative DudeBro Church Does the Beatitudes

HeadDudeBro: Blessed are those that say controversial things.

DudeBroCongregation: For they shall say they were quoted out of context.

HeadDudeBro: Blessed are the Delingpoles

DudeBroCongregation: For they shall be followed by Twitter accounts with lots of zeroes in their names and flags on their profile..

HeadDudeBro: Blessed are those that equate celebrating people's sexuality with criminality.

DudeBroCongregation: For they shall get in the Chuch Times.

HeadDudeBro: Blessed are those that get a backlash to the cruel things they say.

DudeBroCongregation: For they will say they are persecuted

HeadDudeBro: Blessed are those that trust faith over medecine.

DudeBroCongregation: For they shall have medicine to fall back on.

HeadDudeBro: Blessed are those that indulge in ad-hominems.

DudeBroCongregation: For they shall say claim other people are being nasty to them.

HeadDudeBro: Blessed are skinny white ageing former actors who pretent they're tough.

DudeBroCongregation: For they shall find people like them to build them up.

Hymnwriters Go Shopping Number 3: Sue McClellan, John Paculabo, and Keith Ryecroft

Shopkeeper: Welcome to Mrs Toasty's Heating Emporium. We have a wide range of heat-source, air-source, gas-fired, solar, storage and.... Oh. It's you three again.

I'll get the Wood Burner catalogue.

Liturgy for the Day After the Summer Solstice

Archdruid: Nights are drawing in.

All: No, they're not.

Archdruid: You what?

All: Only kidding. Soon be Christmas.

Hymnwriters Go Shopping Number 2 - Jan Struther

 Shopkeeper: Good afternoon, madam.Welcome to Cheddar George's Cheese Emporium.

 Jan Struther: Good afternoon, George. I would like 2 pounds of your finest Wensleydale.

Shopkeeper: Here you are, madam.

Jan Struther: Thank you very much. Here's four buttercups and twenty-seven daisies.

Shopkeeper: Give me the cheese back, and get out, you weirdo.