On the defeat of the Aussies in the Lords Test

Liturgical Colour: White Flannels. The Acolytes may each carry a stump, while the Archdruid carries her favourite Slazenger bat.

The Gathering

Archdruid: Haddin may last for the night

All: But Freddie striketh in the morning.

Archdruid: We have waited for many generations. Our parents told us of the day when the English beat the Aussies at Lords. Who could believe what has been revealed before our very eyes, courtesy of Sky Sports and the BBC Website?

All: Truly wonders are seen. Flowers have appeared in the earth. The time of singing hath come. And the voice of Henry Blofeld is heard in the land.

Archdruid: A reading from the Book of Aggers.

Hnaef: And Blofeld said unto him "My dear old thing - verily a pigeon flieth across the ground, and the number of red buses is nigh unto four score that we have seen since last Thursday. And lo - a plane passeth on its way from Heathrow. Maybe it carrieth holidaymakers unto the city of Rome, or even unto Athens or Jerusalem. Don't the trees look nice in the sunlight?" And indeed, as Blofeld rambled on, the English team smote the Aussies one last time and walked from the field rejoicing. But Blowers noticed not. And great was the wailing and gnashing of teeth, in Sydney, Canberra, Brisbane and even unto Earls Court.

The sharing of the Cake

Archdruid: That's rather a nice cake.

All: We received it from a Mrs Collins from Leicester.

The Commination

Archdruid: Ricky Ponting, Don Bradman, Dennis Lillee, Kylie Minogue, Dame Nelly Melba, Jason Donavon, Merv the Swerve, Rolf Harris - can you hear me, Rolf Harris?

All: Your boys took a hell of a beating.

Archdruid: Let us all give thanks!

All: Thanks, Freddie!