Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Are You a Troll? The Questionnaire

It's the question all sensitive users of Internet Forums and blogs ask themselves. Because you don't want to think you're blogging witty, imaginative comments to a thread when all along everyone else thinks you're a cold-blooded eater of halflings. So here's the ten key questions to find out if you're a secret troll:

1) When posting a controversial comment, other people can be concerned about offending somebody unnecessarily. But do you actually hope for a flood of abuse and hurt comments?

2) Do you post on the Gruadina's Comment is Free more than once a day?

3) Are you physically scared of people In Real Life?

4) Do you like eating hobbits?

5) Do you mostly seek out people holding other views to yours - not that you are open to new ideas, simply that you like to wind them up?

6) Have you ever expressed a view that you don't agree with, simply to get a reaction?

7) Do you have a lot of trouble with billy goats gruff walking over your bridge?

8) Are you either an extremely conservative Christian, or a very smug atheist?

9) Are your real-life friends apparently oblivious to your truly witty nature?

10) Do you live for the cut-and-thrust of virtual abuse?

If you answer "yes" to four or more of these questions, you're almost certainly a troll. I realise it's at this point I'm supposed to suggest you go and get some help, like these surveys normally do. But in fact you're probably beyond any kind of medical aid. The best I can suggest is that, to minimise the risk of turning to stone, you stay out of the daylight. But then that's probably the case already - you're already a child of darkness and shadows, leering at the light of your laptop as you await the next reaction. Can I maybe sell you some mail-order wart cream?


  1. (8) Or vice-versa. Or even verse-visa* (*thanks to '1066 And All That' for the loan of that phrase.)

    love Mags B x

  2. Does reading your blog make us Troll's? Because here we read all sorts of controversial and politically incorrect things. We have evidence of maltreatment of workers and worshippers, of autocratic rule and steel toe capped boots being used to administer injustice.

    We read of blasphemy and many liturgical irregularities and wholesale ignoring of the Druid's handbook.

    I actually think that the whole of this site is a Troll!

    What an exciting site to visit and to be a troll on :)

  3. I lost most of my commenting community once I began moderating and censoring comments.

    I also stripped out tracking software.

    But I still very much enjoy blogging; in fact, probably more so now I don't have to deal with so many negative comments.

    And that's the crux for me; namely, enjoying blogging.

    Enjoying blogging is what it's all about and if you lose sight of that in the pursuit of other aims, then it's time to hang up the blogging boots.

    I couldn't continue if I didn't enjoy blogging for the sake of blogging, and if anybody reads my stuff then that's a bonus.


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