Friday, 2 November 2012

Beaker Missionary Society Closes

I"m sad to announce the closure of the Beaker Missionary Society.

When it was set up, the BEAMS had two objectives: to spread the Beaker faith, and to share the benefits of Western Civilisation around the world. But we've had doubts about the latter for ages, and the Beaker faith says all religions probably lead to the same God, if there is one, anyway.

So we've decided there's not much point paying for people to fly to the other side of the world, tell people they're  fine, then fly back.

Frankly, it's become a bit embarassing. The last two came back having converted to Pentecostalism.


  1. I think you had your marketing strategy wrong.

    Instead of sending out missionaries, you should have offered training (at a cost) for others to come and to stay with you.

    Having converted them to Beakerism, and charging them for the privilege, you could send them back as unpaid missionaries with the zeal of the newly converted. Bit like a reformed smoker :)

    A two or three year course could bring in millions and all you need to do is to get them a visa.

  2. This is one of the risks you take when you send people out into the world like that! They come back with new ideas - if they come back at all; there's always a certain minority who like the new place more than they like Back Home.

    You might minimize the problem if you pick places where the benefits of Western Civilization have taken root, more or less. I could name several local (sometimes stretching 'local' a bit) educational and medical facilities which are the result of missionary work. One, at least, was still receiving volunteers from the UK back when I was a teenager, which wasn't quite in the Dark Ages. I don't know that they were likely to become Pentecostal though. The Pentecostals hadn't yet arrived here, as far as I can recall.


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