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Friday, 23 May 2014

Twitter Struck by "Petulance"

Twitter management have confirmed today that the popular micro-blogging site has been struck by "petulance".

"So as far as we can tell," said a spokesperson on a beach, "the petulance has only affected the United Kingdom." It seems that the over-use of the letters "U, K, I P, by people complaining that UKIP get too much attention, has caused issues with the performance of the free-speech servers.

"So this happens from time to time, when Twitter users discover that there are other people in the world. The discovery that some people don't agree with them can cause a dreadful strain. So the political load-balancer is used to dealing with a constant strain on the servers on the Left, but this kind of constant asymmetric battering can leave the site unable to respond except through sporadic petulance."

The spokesperson ordered another cocktail and told us, "So we expect the petulance to last through to about Tuesday. After that we're hoping Twitter people will go back to thinking that everybody is like them again. But we're having to plan ahead for next May. We're so going to need some new bile-processors by then, for sure. Democracy would be great if everybody was like us. Would save all this stress on the system."

1 comment :

  1. I'm not on Twitter so have not been subjected to this latest plague.
    Oh sorry, you said petulance not pestilence. Though come to think of it there really isn't that much difference.
    Worse than all of that for me, is the use of the word "so", to start every sentence.
    Pedantic as well as petulant:)

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