The Daily Mail (if you follow the link, you know what you'll find) tells us about the "10 Most Calorific Burgers".
Which is, in scientific terms, ridiculous. Within 20 minutes of reading the post, Bernie, our master of roadkill cuisine, had produced something even more calorific: the BadgerBurger. Just spit-roast a badger and then put it between two halves of a bun.
Or, to go one better, the Badger King. That's a badger, wrapped in bacon, with a slice of gherkin, in a bun.
Or the Elkburger. A moose, between two slices of white bread. Although making it an Elk Monsieur, with an added poached egg, goes better again.
I've no idea how he got it in the freezer, or on what stretch of the M1 it died, but Bernie claimed that the Blue Whale Burger he whipped up later, at about 2 million calories (they're high in protein), is the biggest burger you can get.
Yeah. Good theory.
But I added a Kraft cheese slice.