Friday, 3 April 2009

Spring Clean

The spring air is upon us, and many a Beaker Person is casting a clout afore May is out.  Especially the Fertility Folk, for whom clouts are notoriously castable even at the coldest times.
But Spring brings with it spring cleaning.  The physical spring clean of buildings is familiar, of course.  But how often do we have a spiritual spring clean?
So as part of a spiritual spring clean, we have decided to purge the community of the following.  Not that we are saying all these are evil or deleterious to the corporate morality.  Although they may well be.  But better safe than sorry.  In any case, we are henceforth banning:

Goatee beards;
Children called "Edric", "Fleur" or similar;
Re-runs of the last series of "My Parents are Aliens".  It had thoroughly jumped the shark;
Personalised number plates;
Manchester United fans who were Chelsea fans until last year (and Arsenal fans before that);
People who are already disappointed by Obama;
Anyone who thinks Jonathon Ross deserves rehabilitation;
Anyone who also thinks Jonathon Ross is young and cutting-edge; 
Anyone who still thinks Grand Prix is a serious sport;
Anyone who talks about reducing the impact of climate change but daren't mention population;
The Google Street View van (I've a horrible feeling my bum looks big in hi-viz)
Tinted glasses;
People who think Newcastle don't deserve to go down;
Robert Peston;
Adele CDs;
Cats that their owners treat as if they are human beings;
Their owners; 
Personalised number plated car-drivers with tinted glasses and goatee beards.

I must away to dab my temples with cologne.  But be assured, the Banning Squad will be round later.

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