Tuesday 18 August 2020

Overhead Protectionist

Unfortunate typo. I was hoping to recruit a new overhead projectionist, as our old one Gnarlsley, who was always tech-obsessed, has joined a totally virtual congregation and doesn't want to attend in bodily form. Obviously, the ability to meet together via assorted conferencing and social media platforms is an immensely good thing. It enables people whose mobility and ability to get out are restricted to take a full part in the life of the church, and also means I don't have to worry about the Moot meeting up in the White Horse before meetings to hatch plots. On the other hand, while I know Gnarlsley's plan to upload himself to the Cloud is in a way what we all ultimately want, it doesn't help when I need the latest Rend Collective up on the Moot House wall.

So I advertised for a replacement. But instead of a "projectionist", I accidentally asked for a "protectionist". And Grizmella actually had the gig before I realised what I'd done.

She's been in the Moot House moving the tea lights stand backwards and forwards to try and find the right place. Thrown out our "Beaker Common Prayer New Extended Standard Forever" edition and replaced them with some 35 year old copies of "The Wee Worship Book" from the Iona Community. I did get her to do the job I thought I'd hired her for, but she insisted on putting the laptop and data projector back into the Cupboard of Oblivion and replacing them with the old steam-powered OHP and acetates. So the first song tomorrow is going to be "We have come into this house and gathered in his name to worship him". A self-defeating song that I thought I'd got rid of 30 years ago.

And now she's up in the West Gallery (when did we get one of those?) insisting that we put back the old Quire and get rid of the organ that Hnaef so surreptitiously installed over Lockdown. He was really looking forward to playing that complex, dramatic modern organ music. But Grizmella says he needs to stop Messiaen' about.


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1 comment :

  1. Of course under the C19 rules any paper based prayer book has to be one time use. So, after your next worship session you can bin all of her wee worship stuff and start again with the "New Revised Standard Version" of Beaker Worship as one, discardable A4 sheet, which if shredded will provide fine bedding for the visiting folk who like to rough it with the Rabbits.

    As for your accidental appointment, you could always invite her to reapply for her job because of pressures of finance, and this time make sure that she is not selected. And at the same time you could get more of the awkward folk to reapply for their jobs and tell them that they are now surplus to requirements as you have decided that their role is no longer needed and they can sign on at the Labour Exchange right away.

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