At "Little Pebbles"
Archdruid: ...and so the Lord put a rainbow in the sky. To tell Noah that he would never judge the earth in that way again. And Noah...
Little Eric: So that's it?
Archdruid: Sorry, Little Eric?
Little Eric: So that's it? God killed everyone....
Archdruid: Apart from Noah's family.
Little Eric: Apart from Noah's family.
Little Angelica: And we don't even get to hear what their wives were called. Don't you think that's a bit patriarchal?
Archdruid: Well, of course it was patriarchal. It was in patriarchal times.
Little Angelica: So what was Noah's wife's name?
Archdruid: Nelly.
Little Angelica: Is that in the Bible?
Archdruid: It's in... later translations, let us say.
Little Eric: Forget Noah's wife! She's not important!
Little Angelica: She's very important!
Little Eric: Not to my point! So God puts a rainbow in the sky. And he's killed literally everybody apart from Noah, his sons...
Little Angelica: ... and four nameless women.
Archdruid: Well, yes. But they were bad.
Little Eric: How bad?
Archdruid: Well-bad.
Little Eric: That bad?
Archdruid: Yep. So you can see God was well within God's rights to...
Little Eric: Wipe out the entire human race without giving them the chance to repent.
Archdruid: I'm sure he warned them.
Little Angelica: Where does it say that?
Archdruid: Well, the Bible is silent on that.
Little Eric: And then having killed an entire species
Archdruid: Apart from Noah.
Little Angelica: And his sons. Who have names, I notice. And all their wives. Who don't.
Archdruid: Apart from Nelly.
Little Angelica: Which is made up.
Archdruid: Well, let's face it, this is all made up.
Little Angelica: WHAT?
Archdruid: Nothing. Nothing. Yes. God killed everybody except 8 humans and either 2 or 7 of every other species, except the unicorns. Because God hates bad people.
Little Eric: And the eunuchs.
Archdruid: What?
Little Eric: Nothing. Just something I heard.
Little Angelica: And Methuselah drowned.
Archdruid: What?
Little Angelica: Do the maths. Methuselah - the granddad of Noah, who lived to be 969 - died the year of the flood. So he must have drowned. What sort of man must Noah be to let his gramps drown?
Archdruid: Maybe God waited for Methuselah to die of natural causes and then sent the flood?
Little Angelica: So God's great plan to annihilate all the evil people had to be delayed because Methuselah had stayed on the high-fibre diet and kept off the lager?
Archdruid: I don't know. I guess.
Little Eric: So God put a rainbow in the sky - which, being a natural phenomenon, was probably happening all along. And what did he achieve?
Archdruid: There was no more sinful behaviour.
Little: Eric: Apart from Noah promptly got totally plastered, and Ham saunters in and goes, "Oh look at Dad in the nud" and everything's back to square one?
Archdruid: Good point. Didn't really work, did it?
Little Angelica: So the eunuchs died for nothing?
Archdruid: Look - is it song time?
I can't wait to see how they do with Judges 19-21 and Ezekiel 23 . . .
ReplyDeleteI wonder how literal Children actually take Bible stories. Because on this evidence their teacher has allowed them to do to much online research. I am surprised that someone didn't mention Genocide? Perhaps they haven't yet done this in Year 2 Religious Studies?
ReplyDelete