1 June 1994 Norbert Dranesqueezer, Great Tremlett
Why do you have no Books of Common Prayer? The language is sublime. The theology truly Reformed. The whole of the Christian life can be found in one slim volume. And I like to steal one from every church I visit.
Was here for an hour and no sign of the vicar. Where is he?
There are bat droppings on the green cloth covering the altar.
Disappointing.
11 June 1996 Jenny Streetweiser, Chipping Corners
After much research, I found out my great-grandparents were married here in 1937. They don't seem to be here now - any ideas where they may have gone?
30 September 1997 Rick Roll, Saint Myrtle's Over-the-Hill
Dear God, having seen the beauty of your house, I feel I'm never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
2 Feb 1998 Angelique Boggs, That London
Most disappointed in the medieval architecture. I feel they could have done better.
4 January 1999 Raynswold Grimley, Great Tremlett
If this is God's house why doesn't he do it up a bit? It's not like he doesn't have the staff.
1 January 2000 Grayson Drapely, Wyre Drivel
I was struck by the joyful message on your "Wayside Pulpit."
What do you mean, "Happy Millennium"? Do you imagine our Lord was born in 0 AD? Heathens.
14 October 2001 Norbert Dranesqueezer, Great Tremlett
Still no BCP? The Alternative Service Book has been consigned to where it belongs. I thought you would have improved.
28 June 2002 Melissa Sparrow (Mrs), Grilsby-on-the-Hill
What a beautiful church! I have been inspired to poetry:
The village churchyard, all serene
Where sleeping mounds of grass so green
Lay over those who've no more breath
They rest there in the sleep of death
Death death death
Death death death
Death death death
11 November 2003 Selina Tryclops, Gibbering in-the-Meadow
Anglo-Saxon architecture is so brutal. Yet there is such beauty in its simplicity. Shame yours is all Norman, but you can't have everything.
29 February 2004 Lavinia de Strangler, Bleakly on-the-Moor
If you were wondering where the lectern is, I've got it.
Damn. I've given myself away again, haven't I?
Billy Bumbreath
Bums!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha
11 June 2008 Rod Pole, Flapping on-the-Hill
Quiet round here, isn't it? You could avoid the police for weeks.
PS stay out of the crypt, if you know what's good for you.
8 April 2011 DCI Tom Barnaby. Causton, Midsomer
Called but you were out. Please could you drop in to the station when you get a minute? Nasty affair at "Black Gibbet".
25 December 2013 Magnus Grebe, Sagging Baddley
It's 4pm on Christmas Day. I see that there's a benefice service on Sunday at Blooms Green. Which means there's nobody gonna be around for 10 days. And I've found where you hide the Communion wine. Not a bad drop.
Happy Christmas!
31 December 2013 Magnus Grebe, Sagging Baddley
How was I to know you'd lock up on Christmas afternoon and not come back?
The door to the ringing tower is locked so I can't raise the alarm.
I've tried shouting, but it's half a mile to the village.
There's no phone signal - and my phone ran out 4 days ago.
And I've eaten all the hassocks.
If you read this too late, I'd just like to say - you swines.
2 March 2015 DCI John Barnaby, Causton, Midsomer
Called but you weren't here inexplicably moving the hymn books around.
Please can you call in at the station?
Terrible business at "Hanging Nook".
11 June 2017 Jeb Gray-Vdigger, Little Tremlett
So grateful that you leave this beautiful building open.
It's so good to be able to sit and meditate in a wonderful church in silence.
So I've shot all the crows in the churchyard. Noisy beggars.
1 February 2020 Marie Innhaste, Little Stickleback
Just finished having a lovely meeting with Revd Rachel, planning for the wedding in April. It's going to be so lovely.
I'm so excited. What could possibly go wrong?
1 May 2024 Eric Derek,Polling Boothby
The Spiders.
The Spiders.
The SPIDERS.
THE SPIDERS.
Left 5p in the wall safe. You deserve it for keeping this lovely building open.
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