I've been trying to bring Thomas Leaf up to date with life and current affairs in the 21st Century.
Now Tommy grew up in 19th Century Wessex, has worked all his life as a manual labourer, can't read and actually has trouble working out which side is up. However he asked a few intelligent questions about which way people defected on the whole in the 20th century (East to West, natch), the conditions in Siberian prison camps, and the ability to speak your mind (or what there is of it) without fear of arrest. He's googled some stuff about the Prague Spring, the oppression of Hungary and the Stalinist massacres. And he's come to the conclusion that, village idiot born and bred as he is, he wouldn't write this article in the Guardian.
Showing posts with label Beaker Secularists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Beaker Secularists. Show all posts
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
Atheists are people too
Read this from the echurchwebsites blog. Which left me pondering.
Isn't there a good reason why, outside of churches, we remember the Fallen from our wars with silence?
Isn't there a good reason why, outside of churches, we remember the Fallen from our wars with silence?
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
A Beaker Secularist Seasonal Message (not Christmas, obviously)
Obviously he can't mention which season this message is seasonal to (it's Christmas), but welcome to Albert Beard, the president (and only member) of the Beaker Secularists, to give his Secular Seasonal Message.
name="DC.description" content="A seasonal message from Terry Sandesron, President of the NSS" />
"Once again, the Beaker Secularists have made great steps forward this year. We know from the internet forums that there are many - possibly dozens - of teenagers, spotty students and lonely computer programmers, all anxious to fight for the secular cause, by any means that does not involve getting off their atheist backsides and actually doing something, or spending money on it. And we know that a minority of only 60% of the population claim to have a Christian belief. While a further 60% have problems with numeracy. And by counting only members of the Church of England, rather than all those with a faith, and then quoting very carefully, we can make it look like only 5% of people went to Church last Christmas. However untrue and misleading this is. But hey - it's not like we answer to a higher power, is it?
By contrast, the evil deists in this country seem not only to have their intolerant and immoral beliefs, but also a willingness to part with their own money to advance their cause. That's hardly fair, is it? When the 97% of people who are atheists in this country would willingly die for secularism if they could be bothered to get out of their living rooms.
Just consider. If the people who rant about their support for atheism on internet forums were to stump up and pay subscriptions to the Beaker Secularist society, I would be able to afford a suit big enough to accommodate my expanding waistline. A waistline, I hasten to say, that has expanded due to the happiness that secularism has brought me, and not due to my own inability to get off my backside and do something.
Those people in the BNP agree with me. They don't like immigrants either. Those immigrants coming over here with their alien Christianity, when the native population just want to be free to pursue their traditional activities of drinking alco-pops and fighting in the High Street. It's just not right.
So in summary - please join and please give us some money. There's only me left now and I'm getting very lonely. And happy Christmas Yule Winter Solstice New Year.(In a completely unrelated matter - we notice that the Seasonal Message of the Secular Society refers to its spokesperson in its meta-tag as "Terry Sandesron". The webmaster could at least have got his name right?)
name="DC.description" content="A seasonal message from Terry Sandesron, President of the NSS" />
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Revenge of the Bogeyperson
A bit of a disaster for poor Gordon. The Beaker Secularists have long been campaiging for the right to take assemblies, and finally somebody let him into one of the local infant schools. His basic message, "God doesn't exist so be good - although nothing will happen either way" seemed to go over the heads of the little ones. So he expanded his thesis by explaining that God doesn't exist, just like Santa doesn't. Faced with 120 children crying their eyes out, and looking for a way to retrieve the situation, he told them that if they didn't believe that Santa doesn't exist, the Bogeyperson would get them. To be fair to Gordon, at least they were quiet after that. But several of the kids need counselling, and in some kind of fundamentalist reaction six have formed the Teeny Division of the Moon Gibbon worshippers.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Secular Schism
It is with... I was going to say "regret" but that may be overdoing it. It is with a sense of the duty to share information that I have to tell you that the Beaker Secularists are no more. Apparently Gilbert and Rodwell disagreed over whether secularists should wear anoraks or duffel coats. Meanwhile - much to everyone's amazement - Stanley has met a girl and therefore lost all interest in drinking cider-and-black in the Weatherspoon's in Milton Keynes while discussing Nietzsche.
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Beaker Secularists' New Year Message
In the interests of tolerance for all beliefs, even rather sad ones, I am delighted to post the New Year message and annual review of the previous year from the Beaker Secularists. I assume that it was the Secularists' leader who gave me the article. However to be honest one bloke with a weedy moustache and an anorak always looks much like another to me, so it could have been any one of the others.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is with great pleasure that we of the Beaker Secularists look back over another year of fighting against the powers of religion and superstition, and a number of cracking social events.
January saw our Annual General Meeting, held at the Little Chef, Hockliffe. We spent a while protesting that the Little Chef image is clearly religious, representing some kind of tutelary deity of bacon and eggs, and demanding it be taken down. We have respect for other people's right to belief, but don't see why Big Business, in collusion with this Chef cult, should quite literally push their beliefs down our throats. The manager took our complaints quite seriously, then threw us out into the car park. Still hungry, we went across to the McDonalds across the A5. And don't even get me started on Ronald McDonald...
February and I am pleased to announce I had a letter printed in the St Albans Telegraph. Why, in this day and age, when as few as four people in the entire country ever go to church in the average year, should we continue to name a town in Hertfordshire after a so-called "saint" who, if he existed at all, was a threat to an orderly civil society in hiding another subversive Christian from the lawfully-appointed powers? We requested that the town be renamed after a suitably well-known secularist - possibly Jeremy Bentham, Bertrand Russell, Stalin or Mr Wainwright, the librarian from early series of Last of the Summer Wine. Needless to say, due to a conspiracy between the Established Church and the powers-that-be, our request was ignored.
March, and sadly we had a 25% fall in membership. This occurred after I was compelled to dismiss Bernard from membership of the Beaker Secularists, after we caught him trying to hide the evidence that he had been eating an Easter Egg. I need say no more.
April, and we moved our regular meetings from the Husborne Crawley Reading Room to a table in Wetherspoon's in Milton Keynes. After a meeting in Husborne Crawley, we would often walk out into a starlight night, look up and consider the beauty of the heavens, the wonders of gravity, the sheer immensity of the Universe - and then the utter futility of it all. Frankly it was getting us down. In Central MK, we can't see the stars due to the street lighting, and we're a lot happier with our position in the universe now.
In May we wrote a number of complaining letters to the Government pointing out that, in a shameless example of religious bodies trying to retain their place in this modern world, all the days of the week are named after gods. Needless to say, the Government rejected our suggestion that we instead name them after twelve dignitaries from Mid-Beds and Milton Keynes Councils.
June, and in that pleasantly anachronistic (but in no way religiously-motivated) way of things, we held our May Ball. I'm glad to report that we had a 100% turn out for the event. It was on the - amusingly ironic - theme of "vicars and tarts". Wearing a dog-collar for the occasion, I felt, was a great way of showing the sham that is clerical power - whereby a small piece of plastic raises your social status. The downside was that, as Rodwell was taking the part of the band (through judicious use of comb, paper and spoons), Stanley had to turn up as the "tart". I hope I never again anyone with a goatee wearing a flapper outfit again. Worse was to occur, as of course I had to dance with him.
July, and we commenced our campaign to remove charitable status from the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley. We kicked these campaign into touch after the Arch-druid reminded us that she knows where we live.
August, and we attended the British Beer Festival. We had been boycotting for many years, as it was held at the religiously-inspired "Olympia" - clear proof that Camra had been infiltrated by worshippers of the Greco-Roman Pantheon. However for the last three years the festival has been moved to Earl's Court. Unfortunately Rodwell went mad and had a couple of pints, and we still await his release from custody.
September, and inspired by Camra's rather exciting advertising, we thought it was time for a publicity campaign of our own. However none of the slogans seemed particularly effective. I thought that "Beaker Secularists - you don't necessarily have to work for the council and live with your parents" had a particularly good ring.
In October, we went out in Husborne Crawley with the intention of persuading children from desisting from the supernaturalist and irrational celebration of Hallowe'en. However meeting what appeared to be Russell Brand and Jonathon Ross walking up Crow Lane, we panicked and ran down to the White Horse. There we were beaten up by a group of small boys armed with pumpkins. The Beaker Secularists are dedicated to peaceful co-existence, and this year we have certainly been reminded of why.
November's letter-writing campaign surrounded our demands that Ian St John remove the "Saint" from his name. A clear attempt to cash in on the modern interest with professional football, to encourage anti-rational behaviour. Once again, the established church exerted its power, preventing the Premier League from getting Mr "St" John to change his name.
In the run-up to the Winter Solstice celebration (we prefer this designation to the unscientific terms "Christmas" and "Yule") we went on our anti-bling campaign. This consisted of knocking on the doors of those who had erected lighting displays, to explain to them the non-existence of any kind of deity, the historical dubiousness of the so-called "Nativity" and how the event is a the result of pressure by the commercial/retail industrial cartel and the Church of England to encourage the worship of the so-called "Santa Claus", a Norse god of fertility and flying reindeers. Sadly some of the householders - well, all of them - refused to listen to our points of view and we were forced to remove ourselves from several premises extemely rapidly.
And so to my message for the new year. To the British Public I say, don't be fooled any longer by the Established Church, a massively powerful body which in fact has only approximately seven members according to our latest survey (which Stanley took at the door of the White Horse one closing time). Instead look forward to a life of civic dullness, wearing anoraks, pointless vendettas, endless letter-writing and - eventually - an inevitable death which renders the whole of your life (including joining the Beaker Secularlists) meaningless. Imagine the freedom of a life where tea-lights, instead of being invested with immense spiritual meaning, are just a means of lighting your bedroom while you try to find your copy of the Lamp-post Identifier's Weekly.
And to my mum - don't worry, I will find a girl one day.
Gilbert Le'Strange.
January saw our Annual General Meeting, held at the Little Chef, Hockliffe. We spent a while protesting that the Little Chef image is clearly religious, representing some kind of tutelary deity of bacon and eggs, and demanding it be taken down. We have respect for other people's right to belief, but don't see why Big Business, in collusion with this Chef cult, should quite literally push their beliefs down our throats. The manager took our complaints quite seriously, then threw us out into the car park. Still hungry, we went across to the McDonalds across the A5. And don't even get me started on Ronald McDonald...
February and I am pleased to announce I had a letter printed in the St Albans Telegraph. Why, in this day and age, when as few as four people in the entire country ever go to church in the average year, should we continue to name a town in Hertfordshire after a so-called "saint" who, if he existed at all, was a threat to an orderly civil society in hiding another subversive Christian from the lawfully-appointed powers? We requested that the town be renamed after a suitably well-known secularist - possibly Jeremy Bentham, Bertrand Russell, Stalin or Mr Wainwright, the librarian from early series of Last of the Summer Wine. Needless to say, due to a conspiracy between the Established Church and the powers-that-be, our request was ignored.
March, and sadly we had a 25% fall in membership. This occurred after I was compelled to dismiss Bernard from membership of the Beaker Secularists, after we caught him trying to hide the evidence that he had been eating an Easter Egg. I need say no more.
April, and we moved our regular meetings from the Husborne Crawley Reading Room to a table in Wetherspoon's in Milton Keynes. After a meeting in Husborne Crawley, we would often walk out into a starlight night, look up and consider the beauty of the heavens, the wonders of gravity, the sheer immensity of the Universe - and then the utter futility of it all. Frankly it was getting us down. In Central MK, we can't see the stars due to the street lighting, and we're a lot happier with our position in the universe now.
In May we wrote a number of complaining letters to the Government pointing out that, in a shameless example of religious bodies trying to retain their place in this modern world, all the days of the week are named after gods. Needless to say, the Government rejected our suggestion that we instead name them after twelve dignitaries from Mid-Beds and Milton Keynes Councils.
June, and in that pleasantly anachronistic (but in no way religiously-motivated) way of things, we held our May Ball. I'm glad to report that we had a 100% turn out for the event. It was on the - amusingly ironic - theme of "vicars and tarts". Wearing a dog-collar for the occasion, I felt, was a great way of showing the sham that is clerical power - whereby a small piece of plastic raises your social status. The downside was that, as Rodwell was taking the part of the band (through judicious use of comb, paper and spoons), Stanley had to turn up as the "tart". I hope I never again anyone with a goatee wearing a flapper outfit again. Worse was to occur, as of course I had to dance with him.
July, and we commenced our campaign to remove charitable status from the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley. We kicked these campaign into touch after the Arch-druid reminded us that she knows where we live.
August, and we attended the British Beer Festival. We had been boycotting for many years, as it was held at the religiously-inspired "Olympia" - clear proof that Camra had been infiltrated by worshippers of the Greco-Roman Pantheon. However for the last three years the festival has been moved to Earl's Court. Unfortunately Rodwell went mad and had a couple of pints, and we still await his release from custody.
September, and inspired by Camra's rather exciting advertising, we thought it was time for a publicity campaign of our own. However none of the slogans seemed particularly effective. I thought that "Beaker Secularists - you don't necessarily have to work for the council and live with your parents" had a particularly good ring.
In October, we went out in Husborne Crawley with the intention of persuading children from desisting from the supernaturalist and irrational celebration of Hallowe'en. However meeting what appeared to be Russell Brand and Jonathon Ross walking up Crow Lane, we panicked and ran down to the White Horse. There we were beaten up by a group of small boys armed with pumpkins. The Beaker Secularists are dedicated to peaceful co-existence, and this year we have certainly been reminded of why.
November's letter-writing campaign surrounded our demands that Ian St John remove the "Saint" from his name. A clear attempt to cash in on the modern interest with professional football, to encourage anti-rational behaviour. Once again, the established church exerted its power, preventing the Premier League from getting Mr "St" John to change his name.
In the run-up to the Winter Solstice celebration (we prefer this designation to the unscientific terms "Christmas" and "Yule") we went on our anti-bling campaign. This consisted of knocking on the doors of those who had erected lighting displays, to explain to them the non-existence of any kind of deity, the historical dubiousness of the so-called "Nativity" and how the event is a the result of pressure by the commercial/retail industrial cartel and the Church of England to encourage the worship of the so-called "Santa Claus", a Norse god of fertility and flying reindeers. Sadly some of the householders - well, all of them - refused to listen to our points of view and we were forced to remove ourselves from several premises extemely rapidly.
And so to my message for the new year. To the British Public I say, don't be fooled any longer by the Established Church, a massively powerful body which in fact has only approximately seven members according to our latest survey (which Stanley took at the door of the White Horse one closing time). Instead look forward to a life of civic dullness, wearing anoraks, pointless vendettas, endless letter-writing and - eventually - an inevitable death which renders the whole of your life (including joining the Beaker Secularlists) meaningless. Imagine the freedom of a life where tea-lights, instead of being invested with immense spiritual meaning, are just a means of lighting your bedroom while you try to find your copy of the Lamp-post Identifier's Weekly.
And to my mum - don't worry, I will find a girl one day.
Gilbert Le'Strange.
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