Elton, Christian "Voice", and the BBC

Pink News asks why the BBC got Stephen Green of Christian Voice to comment on the birth of Sir Elton John's baby.

The birth of a baby by surrogacy for a 62-year-old and a 48-year old does beg questions. But obviously in this case there's no real need to worry about whether either of Sir Elton or Mr Furnish would physically be able to bear the child at their age. And I don't want to dwell on the Mirror's interest in who was the "mother" and who the "father". That's really none of my business. I wonder whether, at 48 years of age the younger of the two, even Mr Furnish will suffer from the late nights - having relatives who didn't much enjoy the challenge of a loaded nappy at 2am when in their early 40s. But then he looks quite healthy for his age, and I'm sure they have "people" who can do the 2am calls if necessary.

But why did the BBC ask Stephen Green of Christian "Voice" to comment on this, when they wanted a "Christian" view? Surely not because there are hundreds of Anglican vicars who would have expressed joy that a child is born into this world - for surely all human life is a blessing, especially in its early years - and then muttered something about not being against gay people themselves?

The people commenting on the Pink News article seem to think that the BBC is showing itself to be anti-gay. The other possibility is that - showing  Stephen Green as the chosen Christian representative - the BBC are actually anti-Christian. For he doesn't do Christians any favour, and the BBC must know that Stephen Green will make anything else look more appealing than his own views.

Or maybe the BBC was choosing the most extreme person they could as a useful idiot, as that makes the
discussion easier. Human sexuality and reproduction are most complex and nuanced areas - so let's get in Christian "Voice" to give us the "Christian" view. We don't really understand religion anyway, so that should do.

It's a shame, being the holders of Dr Who's franchise as they are, that the BBC can't choose their representatives from all of time and space. Just imagine:

"And now to discuss the Pope's visit to Britain, we have Revd John Knox"
"Should the State subsidise the maintenance of listed religious buildings? We ask Stalin."
"Reform of Parliament? Guy Fawkes will be in our studio discussing the options."
"Over to Wallachia now, where Vlad the Impaler will be giving his views on immigration."
"A Europe of nations, or a super-state? We ask Julius Caesar where he stands."

The atheist / believer niceness index

Gurdur directed me to the Hon Toby Young's article on believers being nicer than atheists. And while Toby's probably right (and I note the typo in the URL), I am aware that his first degree was in some arts subject or another. So I've applied a bit of logic and science to this. Below I've ranked a number of famous believers and atheists in order of niceness. I'm happy to be corrected on their belief or niceness, and I've excluded all those that are generally regarded by their followers as deities or chief prophets. Except for I've ignored the protestations from those members of the Church of Marcus Du Sautoy. They're just being silly.
There is one simple rule. I've generally put anyone who would want to kill people for their beliefs, below anyone else. It's an attribute I've always found particularly nasty.

So from nicest to nastiest, I go for:

Mother Teresa (b)
Gandhi (b)
Douglas Adams (a)
Pope John Paul II (b)
Marcus Du Sautoy (a)
Abp William Temple (b)
That nun with the art and the caravan (b)
Stephen Fry (a)
Prince Charles (b?)
Richard Dawkins (a)
Tony Blair (b)
Tomas de Torquemada (b)
Queen Mary I (b)
Henry VIII (b)
Pol Pot (a)
Oliver Cromwell (b)
Josef Stalin (a)
Chairman Mao (a)

No place for melons

Having cleared the garden last week, I've made a really good start on the vegetable patch, and I'm starting to get an idea of what I'm going to plant and where. But I'm acutely aware of the potential sexual connotations of my choices.

Being of a sober disposition, I'm not inclined to see ribald amusement in common or garden fruit and veg - not that I should call "common" anything that the Giver has blessed. But I find such frivolity common in my fellow men. I remember in my teenage years, my granny rolling around laughing at some particularly deformed parsnip or turnip on the popular BBC TV programme "That's Life". I would have to leave the front room, ashamed of the depths of sin to which my family had sunk, and read the Book of Proverbs to calm my raging thoughts.

And so I am currently planting leeks in part of the vegetable patch. They are an upright vegetable, if I can use that word without causing excitement among the more vigorous of my readers, but the general floppiness of the tops prevents any unfortunate comparisons.

So I have compiled a list of approved vegetables without jocular or carnal connotations, and will be issuing it to my congregation as follows:

Leeks - YES
Cabbages - YES
Onions - YES
Pumpkins - YES
Peppers - YES
Radishes - YES, just about
Butternut squashes- NO, probably not
Turnips - NO
Carrots - NO NO
Cucumbers - NO NO NO

So having disposed of the vegetable morality issue, I turned my attention to the fruit already in the garden - acutely aware that even the word "fruit" has certain connotations.  I have to be careful that I do not lead my congregation into sin through an inappropriate choice and so certainly the fig tree had to go.  There's something so Song of Solomon about a fig.

It was after I had cut the fig tree up, and was washing the sap off my hands under the garden tap, that Mrs Collins looked over the garden fence. Mrs Collins is a lady of rounded figure who has a habit of hanging out the washing while wearing only a dressing gown over her nightgown - not that I look that closely, you understand. Should I be out in the garden when Mrs Collins appears, I do my best to raise my eyes to the heavens and engage with our Creator in prayer.

But on this occasion she caught me unawares, as she pointed over to the remaining fruit trees, and commented,
"Oh - what a lovely pear."
So that was the fate of the Conference sealed. And I cut down the plum tree down as well, to be on the safe side.

On the whole, I've decided it's best if I just turn the whole garden over to leeks, onions and cabbages. It'll be a dull and monotonous diet, but at least it will be without temptation.