Perhaps next year we could all run a marathon every day of Lent? No? OK then, how about something more manageable - maybe not losing it with the family or the friends or the workmates?
Yeah. Right. After you with the running gear, then...
Friday, 19 March 2010
A male, heterosexual transvestite runs round Britain
Eddie Izzard. Like him or loathe him (I love him). Amazing site of him running around Britain on BBC 3. The Human Spirit can do amazing things with the Human body.
Yeah. Right. After you with the running gear, then...
Yeah. Right. After you with the running gear, then...
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Google Street View
We're intrigued by the fuss that the good people of Broughton down the road in Milton Keynes made over Google Street View.
"This is an affluent area. We've already had three burglaries locally in the past six weeks. If our houses are plastered all over Google it's an invitation for more criminals to strike," said one householder."
That would be one householder who had just invited even more criminals to strike...
Perhaps if the van from Google just drove round Broughton all day and night filming, then there wouldn't be any crime at all in Broughton?
Thankfully, being buried away behind the plantation, the Community isn't visible from any roads round here. But having seen footage of their own homes, there are some spouses of the Fertility Folk asking precisely whose cars were parked outside their houses at the time Google went by. I can see we're in for a fractious time.
"This is an affluent area. We've already had three burglaries locally in the past six weeks. If our houses are plastered all over Google it's an invitation for more criminals to strike," said one householder."
That would be one householder who had just invited even more criminals to strike...
Perhaps if the van from Google just drove round Broughton all day and night filming, then there wouldn't be any crime at all in Broughton?
Thankfully, being buried away behind the plantation, the Community isn't visible from any roads round here. But having seen footage of their own homes, there are some spouses of the Fertility Folk asking precisely whose cars were parked outside their houses at the time Google went by. I can see we're in for a fractious time.
Lent in Yorkshire
We've struggled here to come up with a Lent posting for every day. Some people who are doing so rather well are on the Filey Parish Blog. Recommended.
Lent Scores so far
Archdruid: No red meat at all (except Laetere Sunday, of course, when half a cow was consumed). But to be honest, pheasant and quail are starting to lose their appeal.
Hnaef: Well, if you're gonna have one drop of port....
Marston Mortaine: Giving up breathing didn't last too long. He's back on it now.
Burton Dasset: Has managed to give up sex for the whole of Lent so far without any evident difficulty.
Mrs Dasset: Has been most supportive of Burton.
Stacy Bushes: Thinks celibacy is over-rated.
Hnaef: Well, if you're gonna have one drop of port....
Marston Mortaine: Giving up breathing didn't last too long. He's back on it now.
Young Keith: Has only blown the side off one building all Lent. A vast improvement.
Drayton Parslow: Plotting has been almost completely suspended. But then he has been locked in the Gulfing Room since Ash Wednesday.
Mrs Dasset: Has been most supportive of Burton.
Stacy Bushes: Thinks celibacy is over-rated.
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
Celebration of St Patricks' Day
Opening Hymn: Rare auld Mountain Dew
Liturgical Dance (no arms)
Gradual: Wild Mountain Thyme (Will ye go, Lassie, go?)
Reading: Mark 16:18
Offertory: Whiskey in the Jar (just a nip each)
Quote for the day: "Dawk is the curse of the Preaching Classes" (Wilde)
Closing Song: Fairytale of New York
The Archdruid says: "Guinness? No thanks. You won't catch me drinking any of that Irish stuff, just cos it's St Paddy's Day. I'll have a Magners."
For a less fun, politically-correct, but more musical version, of Fairytale, try this one.
Sex and Death - John 12:1-8
Spikenard (Nardostachys grandiflora or Nardostachys jatamansi; also called nard, nardin,and muskroot): a flowering plant of the Valerian family that grows in the Himalayas of China, India and Nepal.
Worth a year's wages - so it's expensive.
"While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance." (Song of Songs 1:12); "Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard" (Song of Songs 4:13) - so it's sexy.
You can even buy it as part of a 2nd Temple Incense Kit. Popular for making Hypocras, some say. And some say it's good for age-old griefs and the transition from life to death. Some say.
And the scent filled the room. But which scent?
The sweet smell of the perfume, to be sure. But that's the top notes to what lies beneath.
The stench of deception?
The vulgar aroma of money? Those 300 denarii that could buy food for a family for a year?
The smell of poverty? Of rubbish and dirt and unwashed bodies?
The smell of death?
Or the smell of sweat and blood and fear?
It's a sexy thing to do, pouring perfume on someone's feet and wiping it with your hair. Did Mary know this? Did Jesus?
And it's a reckless thing to do. That perfume could have been sold. The money could have been spent on the poor. Your offering could have gone to Christian Aid - not towards the restoration of the aumbry. The time you spent sweeping the church floor - you could have visited Old Mr Jones. If you love God first - well, he doesn't really need your money, does he? And you're to love your neighbour as well. And if God loves your neighbour too.... If you love Jesus - that's great - but why does he need such expensive perfume?
It's all upside down. It's a funeral wake. But whose? Lazarus's, who sits here alive? Or his death whose time is soon to come?
And the perfume poured out - the anointing he should have received on Easter Sunday. Would have been wasted then - he wasn't there. But now - now's the time when it's meaningful.
You can't be an anointed one without an anointing. But he didn't receive one from a priest. He was anointed by a desperate woman, who maybe had just a streak of prophecy. Not anointed as king. Crowned with oil and perfume for his death. A waste of money? Better for the poor? Maybe. But maybe, just this once, not.
*Should that be fora?
Worth a year's wages - so it's expensive.
"While the king was on his couch, my nard gave forth its fragrance." (Song of Songs 1:12); "Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard" (Song of Songs 4:13) - so it's sexy.
You can even buy it as part of a 2nd Temple Incense Kit. Popular for making Hypocras, some say. And some say it's good for age-old griefs and the transition from life to death. Some say.
And the scent filled the room. But which scent?
The sweet smell of the perfume, to be sure. But that's the top notes to what lies beneath.
The stench of deception?
The vulgar aroma of money? Those 300 denarii that could buy food for a family for a year?
The smell of poverty? Of rubbish and dirt and unwashed bodies?
The smell of death?
Or the smell of sweat and blood and fear?
It's a sexy thing to do, pouring perfume on someone's feet and wiping it with your hair. Did Mary know this? Did Jesus?
And it's a reckless thing to do. That perfume could have been sold. The money could have been spent on the poor. Your offering could have gone to Christian Aid - not towards the restoration of the aumbry. The time you spent sweeping the church floor - you could have visited Old Mr Jones. If you love God first - well, he doesn't really need your money, does he? And you're to love your neighbour as well. And if God loves your neighbour too.... If you love Jesus - that's great - but why does he need such expensive perfume?
It's all upside down. It's a funeral wake. But whose? Lazarus's, who sits here alive? Or his death whose time is soon to come?
And the perfume poured out - the anointing he should have received on Easter Sunday. Would have been wasted then - he wasn't there. But now - now's the time when it's meaningful.
You can't be an anointed one without an anointing. But he didn't receive one from a priest. He was anointed by a desperate woman, who maybe had just a streak of prophecy. Not anointed as king. Crowned with oil and perfume for his death. A waste of money? Better for the poor? Maybe. But maybe, just this once, not.
*Should that be fora?
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Disorganised Religion (III) - Orange Rolling
Orange rolling on Dunstable Downs* was, according to some, a commemoration of the stone that was rolled across Jesus's tomb. According to others, because they're orange, it's all about the sun plunging to its death as the oranges roll down Pascomb Pit followed by... well, followed by nothing in the case of the oranges, as you don't want to eat them once they've smashed a couple of hundred feet down chalky downland.
In any case, it happens - or happened - on Good Friday. But Keith, as part of his campaign of Disorganised religion, decided that was too predictable. So he lined thirty of our best Beaker People up with a couple of cases oranges, and totally failed to organise a coach for today.
When they realised the coach wasn't going to appear by pure coincidence, the Folk fought back the urge to tie a millstone round Keith's neck and throw him in the Hus Bourne, and instead sorted themselves out with lifts in various 4x4s and all headed for Dunstable.
Of course, by the time they got there it was dark. And it's quite dangerous wandering around the top of chalkland scarps in these conditions. I've counted them all back, but quite a few of them have some nasty bruises. And in the most impressive bit of spontaneous religion I've seen so far in this whole sorry episode, Keith appears to have been pelted with oranges.
* I believe I was very likely present at the orange rolling in this photo. Although am too young to remember it.
In any case, it happens - or happened - on Good Friday. But Keith, as part of his campaign of Disorganised religion, decided that was too predictable. So he lined thirty of our best Beaker People up with a couple of cases oranges, and totally failed to organise a coach for today.
When they realised the coach wasn't going to appear by pure coincidence, the Folk fought back the urge to tie a millstone round Keith's neck and throw him in the Hus Bourne, and instead sorted themselves out with lifts in various 4x4s and all headed for Dunstable.
Of course, by the time they got there it was dark. And it's quite dangerous wandering around the top of chalkland scarps in these conditions. I've counted them all back, but quite a few of them have some nasty bruises. And in the most impressive bit of spontaneous religion I've seen so far in this whole sorry episode, Keith appears to have been pelted with oranges.
* I believe I was very likely present at the orange rolling in this photo. Although am too young to remember it.
New Moon Watch
They can't actually see it yet, but out there somewhere the first glimmer of the first quarter of the moon is shining.
This has been the easiest Moon Watch in months. Barely a frost either night, no snow, no rain, no howling gales.
So I've just sent Hnaef and Keith down with a bucket of iced water each to throw over the Watchers. It would be a shame if the Watchers had no spiritual benefits from their efforts.
This has been the easiest Moon Watch in months. Barely a frost either night, no snow, no rain, no howling gales.
So I've just sent Hnaef and Keith down with a bucket of iced water each to throw over the Watchers. It would be a shame if the Watchers had no spiritual benefits from their efforts.
The difference between men and women...
...can be summarised as follows.
An Optician ran an advert pointing out that as well as checking your sight, an optician may help identify glaucoma, diabetes and high blood pressure.
All the women in the Community thought that was useful. All the men swore they'd never go to the optician again.
A BBC article said that dentists could be useful in identifying mouth cancer.
All the women in the Community thought that was useful. 10% of Beaker males swore off alcohol and tobacco. The rest swore off dentists.
An Optician ran an advert pointing out that as well as checking your sight, an optician may help identify glaucoma, diabetes and high blood pressure.
All the women in the Community thought that was useful. All the men swore they'd never go to the optician again.
A BBC article said that dentists could be useful in identifying mouth cancer.
All the women in the Community thought that was useful. 10% of Beaker males swore off alcohol and tobacco. The rest swore off dentists.
Monday, 15 March 2010
The difference between a success and a failure
A thought strikes when reading the BBC's article on dotcom failures.
Apparently the fashion site Boo.com wasn't Mac compatible.
I'm no expert, so I won't carp at this.
But I'm still surprised to hear that sales of anoraks, and of T-shirts with jokes about floppies and stroking mice, would be enough to make or break a web site.
Apparently the fashion site Boo.com wasn't Mac compatible.
I'm no expert, so I won't carp at this.
But I'm still surprised to hear that sales of anoraks, and of T-shirts with jokes about floppies and stroking mice, would be enough to make or break a web site.
Disorganised worship (II)
See, I reckon Eileen's partly to blame here.
It was Eileen told me that the best worship is spontaneous. Planning is wrong. Go with the flow. Actually, I think she said Spirit. Anyway.
So she told me the best sermons are preached "in the Spirit", not on paper. Said on paper Liverpool were a good football team, but look at them on the pitch. I could see her point.
And she asked me to organise the music group for this evening's Filling Up of Beakers on the Occasion of the Full Moon.
So taking my cue from her "spontaneity is everything - preparation is nothing" line, I just asked a random group of people to turn up and play musical instruments.
No practice, no sheet music, no chord sheets. And actually none of them had ever played those instruments before. Still, on the "in the Spirit" theory it should all have been fine.
Do you know, that was the worst music I've ever heard?
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