Outrageous Heresy

I'm sorry.

I don't like the poetry of Gerald Manley Hopkins. It's clunky.

There. I've said it.

Guardian Reading and the Terminally Self-Unaware

Just reading the Guardian website, as we pinko-liberal types do. Vaguely-interesting piece on perceived visual cues in txt-speak.

Made the mistake of reading the comments btl. Mistake. At least it was better than the comments under the article about the WI banning a woman from breastfeeding. Then I read this comment. I apologise for the swear word. It's biological rather than blasphemous, and fairly mild really.

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Dweeb44 begs many questions. In which contexts is the expression  "social networking" correctly capitalized? Likewise for Instagram. But most of all - in what universe does Dweeb44 think commenting on a forum below a Guardian article is not social media? (Or, if you prefer, Social Media). Is this a form of Magrittesque surrealism? Is Dweeb44 an abstract philosophical performance artist? Or is Dweeb44 merely someone whose judgementalism is exceeded only by their self-righteousness and lack of self-awareness?

Here's a clue. Dweeb44 is commenting on a Guardian article.

Donald Trump Calls for Ban on Mosquitoes

In a radical stepping-up of his recent remarks, Donald Trump has called for a ban on mosquitoes.

"What I'm saying is, if we want to keep the USA safe for good ol' white boys to shoot up shopping malls without the danger of Muslim terrorists, we need to keep out Muslims. And if we want to protect American jobs and keep down crime, we need to keep out Mexicans.

"And the most dangerous of all are Mexican Muslims. And what's the Mexican for 'mosque'? It's 'mosquito'. We must act now and ban all mosquitoes before the Mexican Muslims start spreading malaria."

A spokesperson for Mr Trump, calling himself EL Ron Whisty, later clarified that in calling for the elimination of mosquitoes, Mr Trump was also looking to ban mesquite, muskrats and - just to be on the safe side - moss.

Do They Know it's Advent?

That's the forty-first Christingle done then.

On top of nineteen nativities. And the four residential home carol services and the carol-singing round the village (and other people's villages). Eaten the Druids' team Xmas dinner. And the Beaker Bazaar has flogged off all the bling at half-price. And got the Creme Eggs on the shelf

Went into the Moot House last night and someone has put holly around the window ledges. I had it removed of course. How are we going to celebrate Christmas properly when it comes, if we don't respect Advent?

Specialist Subject the Bleedin' Igneous

(The bluestone element of) Stonehenge first erected in Wales, claims the Guardian, in what it calls an "amazing" discovery.

Amazing if we hadn't been suspecting something along those lines ever since the source of the bluestones was discovered, yes. In case you're wondering, the bluestones probably aren't what you think of at all. They're much smaller rocks than the sarsens - the big sandstone lumps that make up the horseshoe and outer ring, the trilithons that people assume are "Stonehenge". Sarsens come from Wiltshire - still an impressive feat, but not so much as bringing the bluestones from Presceli.

The Guardian suggests that the stones were brought to Wiltshire as a sign of the unification of the tribes of southern Britain. Which is the sort of EU-phile, Unionist dreaming I expect from the Grauniad. Every age gets the Stonehenge it wants, and the Guardian gets one that symbolises peace, love and understanding in a sylvan prehistoric socialist Utopia.

An alternative suggestion, to me, is that the Stonehenge bluestones are the prehistoric Elgin Marbles. We know that Archdruid Enya, her successors and the Wiltshire Beaker People of the time were powerful enough to construct mighty structures like Durrington Walls and, for that matter, Stonehenge. What's to say they didn't simply wander into Wales for a holiday, discover it rained the whole time, beat up the local Elvis Tribe, and carry the whole lot back as proof they were the baddest? Would have left the locals all shook up, for sure. Not so nice, not so "let's all just get together, guys, and be at one in peace and harmony". Much more like human nature.

Meanwhile an alternative view published last month says there was no quarrying at all, and the stones were probably carried to Wiltshire by a giant glacier.

As long as the Welsh don't want them back. King Arthur Pendragon would be livid.

This Has Always Been My Pew

Now don't get me wrong. I understand that some people are attached to the seats where they normally sit. It's not just about staking out your territory. It's about security About familiarity breeding content. About feeling safe, in your own space, to worship.

But you can take it to extremes. I mean, take Blanderella at today's ecumenical service with the Guinea Pig Worshippers of Stewartby. Yes, you can still expect that worship is - in the modern parlance - a safe space. But surely there's got to be some kind of flexibility - some charity - some accommodation - in sharing worship with another fellowship?

Especially when we were invited over to their place. Blanderella just sitting on her own, in a dark, empty Moot House, wasn't a symbol of constancy. She was just being ridiculous.

Road-Building

A Church of England bishop was on Radio 4 this morning 

This is not unusual.

The bishop was taking a lot of flack on Twitter about it.

This is not unusual.

He wasn't taking flack just from atheists. He was taking it from Christians. And, in particular, Anglicans.

This is not unusual, either.

He was taking it because - apparently, because I wasn't listening - he was saying the Lord's Prayer ad should have been allowed to be shown in cinemas because this is predominantly or traditionally a Christian country.

No, I don't agree with that, either.

I don't agree with not showing the Lord's Prayer ad, though. I think it should be shown because the advertising agency apparently originally agreed to show it, and because I believe in free speech. Any argument that goes it shouldn't be shown because then other religions might want to show ads strikes me as the logic of fear and Student Union free speech bans. I wouldn't stop the National Secular Society or Regents Park Mosque advertising in a cinema. I'd prevent ISIS doing so as they're a terrorist organisation.

But the argument that the Church is entitled to something special because it's the Established Religion, or because "we're a [predominantly/historically] Christian country" is still heard. Mostly in the comments section of the Mail website, I would expect, but still heard.

John the Baptist came into a society where there was an established religion - Temple Judaism. And another, more locally-active version, Pharisaism. And most people seem to be rubbing along OK - going synagogue on the Sabbath. Up to the Temple on a semi-regular basis. It's a predominantly Judaic society. Albeit the Romans are the secular power, and that causes a bit of friction.

And John the Baptist comes in and says, "repent". A baptism for the repentance of sins. He's tearing down high places and raising up low ones, because he's building a highway, he says. A highway for the king.

Creation of a new highway is a radical thing. They're putting in the new Dunstable bypass at the minute - what will be a gleaming new structure, carrying people from Luton to Leighton Buzzard. And people from Leighton Buzzard to Luton. Some would say they've not thought this through. But there's a massive amount of work going on. Great swathes of countryside being torn up. To those of us who know that little swathe of countryside, north of Luton and Dunstable, and love it - it's a shocking sight. The reference points are being destroyed - the lie of the land changed. The skewed crossroads at what I always called Sundon Cross has been taken to pieces.

That's what happens when a new road goes in. Everything and everyone's expectations get realigned. There's a new way to get from A to B.

That's where the Church is now. We had a model. It said we are the Church, and as it happens we align to society. And Society aligns to us. Good citizens come to Church and all is well. Society will be well-ordered, everyone will behave quite well, and as a bit of a bonus you can go to heaven at the end.

Everything about that model is broke now. If people don't go to Church, it is no longer regarded as their problem. We don't have to get on our high horses when people show no Biblical literacy - there are people in our society, some of them probably still thinking they're Christians according to the old model - who don't know how to construct a simple, one-sentence prayer. And that's not their fault. While the world they lived in changed radically, we kept our old model of Church and Society - and they all lost interest.

I guess the call is the same as with John the Baptist - a call to repentance and baptism. Repentance isn't just about saying sorry. Repentance is about recognising that we've been going wrong, and we're going to have to change direction.

We've continued to sink our energies into buildings. We've continued to think we have a right to be heard. We've assumed that people may have wandered away but they're still basically just Christian, and as long as we stay the same things will be all right.

Well maybe now the time is to change. We have a road to build. And the top-down strategies of the past have failed. I remember the Decade of Evangelism. What an achievement. Ten years of slow decline, it could have been called. The assumption that the structures of the Church are for the best have been exposed as the wrongdoing of priests and pastors - only a few, out of the vast, vast majority - got ignored or hidden for fear that the organisation might be tainted. Well it's tainted now. All the arguments over modern language, inclusive language, furniture rearrangement - they're all just noise when it's the whole package, not just the wrapping, that people aren't even rejecting - they just don't care.

We have a road to build. We've got to see where our valleys are getting in the way - the sorts of places where we get bogged down, in arguments and point-scoring and name-calling - and we've got to raise them up. We've got to have a new way in the desert.

And we've got to go up to those high places - where we've worshipped the institution, or the building, or the way we've always done things, or the idea that Father is right - and we've got to flatten them. There's a chalk cutting in Dunstable. Originally built by the Romans, deepened by the road builders of the 18th century. The top of the downs would be a nice place to stand. A great view north and west, over the Vale of Aylesbury and all the way out to the hills above Hockliffe or to Dunstable Downs. You could sit there for hours. But if anything was going to move they'd need to be on the road. And the only way the road would be right would be - if you were a Roman - flat and straight. So the hill had to go.

And then if we've flattened the high places and raised up the low ones we can get ready to see the King. But remember - this isn't a road for us. It's for him. When we have thrown down our false idols and given up our low ways, we're still waiting for him. It's the Way of the Lord.

That's another thing we have to remember about repentance. It's not something we have in us. We have tried schemes and plans and self-importance. We should really be trying waiting for Jesus. Getting where he is. In prayer, and on the road. Walking with the people he walked with. Going with humility and hope, not a claim that we have some state-given right to be heard. If we're walking with the ones Jesus walked with, we must be on the Lord's highway. It may not be the country lanes we'd like. It may not be going where we expected.  But that's the way he's coming.

An Afternoon With Polly Toynbee

Don't know if booking is still open, but a "related link" brought me to this advert for an afternoon of journalism with Polly Toynbee, whom we discovered last month to be the partner of the Bishop of Manchester.

45 quid for the afternoon, next Saturday.

Maybe not. You'd have to pay me a lot more than that.

From the Sub-Lime....

Real trouble with the Beaker cess pit. It's been clagged up something chronic thanks to the lime deposits from the local hard water.

We've never had this problem until the Community grew to its current size.

I suppose it's a matter of scale.

The Science of Profundity

A "scientific" survey (I put the word in scare quotes, as otherwise you might think I take it seriously) has indicated that people of lesser intelligence are more convinced by fake profundity, the paranormal, pseudo-science and utter dri***.

Well, all I can say is, those that go often to the well are actualising their bucket's essential jerboa.

That'll be 40 quid. No cheques. I weren't born yesterday.

The Vampire Strikes Bat

Bit worried about Drayton Parslow.

The little bell tower in St Bogwulf's Chapel has always been inhabited by bats. I swear my ancestors installed them when they built the place. They were a funny bunch, the Fitzroy-Russells.

But Husborne Crawley bats have always been a bit... unusual. We've traditionally just left rare steak out for them in the hope they'll leave us alone.

But against all our warnings Drayton had to go up there to find additional storage space for copies of the "Redemption Hymnal". He collects them from closing chapels - says they'll be needed when the End comes.

Brushing aside my injunction to him, that these bats are uncanny, as " superstitious, Papist nonsense ", up he went. There was a whirring sound, some screaming and then Drayton came down looking battered and bloody.

Sure, he said he was alright, as we left him last night. But I dunno.

Is it normal for Baptist ministers to hang by their ankles from roof beams?