In Memoriam: Brian Wilde

In memory of Brian Wilde, Saturday's activities will now include "hiding in the jungle", "killing a man with one blow" and reminiscing about the war in general. Flying of old men from kites will commence at 3pm. Sailing dodgy boats on the Stewartby lakes will take place at 5pm. Running away from aggressive old women will, as ever, take place all day. Worship of the Yorkshire god Earnshaw, although never encouraged, will at least be tolerated. It's a sad day in Holmfirth.

Weather: Foggy.

Rules of the Community

Occasionally it is necessary to remind Beaker People of the rules of the Community. This would be an appropriate time.

• Attendance at all acts of worship is obligatory, subject to the "day of rest" regulation
• Every member is entitled to one "day of rest" a week, when they are exempted from worship obligations. This day is not to be Sunday (obviously), Monday (named after the moon), Wednesday (when we hold our midweek moon-gaze), Thursday (named after the one with the thunderbolts - you can't be too careful), Friday (end-of-week wind-down, and start of weekenders' visits) and Saturday (Shabbat).
• All members of the community whose day of rest is on Tuesday are expected to participate in digging the garden, chopping wood, gathering fruit, and other spiritual (and productive) activities. Don't think of it as mind-numbing drudgery - think of it as good for your souls.
• Senior members of the Druidry team are entitled to rest from the early morning devotions at short notice, on account of the need for them to take part in late-night meditation sessions and philosophising.
• Dancing in the woods on Aspley Heath is still subject to the law of the land, and membership of the community will not exempt you if young Keith's uncle the policemen should decide action is necessary.
• Stay off the Great Trilithon. We still can't afford a concrete one, and we think the current one may have woodworm.
  

Lovely Lightning

Very Irate Message from Archdruid Irene

From the presence of a standing stone in the orchard, it would appear that somebody has brought a souvenir back from Avebury.

I don't care how you got it here, but get it back immediately the same way. We don't want to attract any unwanted attention from above. Also I'm pretty sure they must count them occasionally to see if they've lost one.

Things we did wrong at Stonehenge

(a) Turning up at 11 am and demanding to know when the solstice sunrise is due
(b) Doing an impression of the Planet People from the Quatermass TV Series, walking around with plumb lines, chanting "Ley, Ley, Ley" and looking expectantly to the skies.
(c) Mock sacrifices
(d) Climbing over the ropes and heading for the circle
(e) Using one of the ropes to construct a swing
(f) Having an argument with English Heritage, and demanding that the monument be given back to its rightful owners, Beaker Heritage
(g) Dressing up as an Ooser and scaring the American tourists. Can somebody please return the Ooser to Dorset County Museum?
(g) Putting on those fake druids' beards

St Michael's Mount

Note to all Beaker People. There are many connections between St Michael's Mount in Cornwall, and Mont St Michel in Normandy. There is the Celtic connection; the association between these two similar rocks and St Michael; the potential pagan underlay; the frankly barmy idea about the Dragon Ley (which, needless to say, also passes through Husborne Crawley).

What they are not is the same place. It's not funny to affect to be French, and wander around addressing people as "garcon". If you inform them that the monkey is in the tree, or that "Sylvianne pique tout le monde", they will wonder what you are on about.

On another matter, the event at Men-an-Tol. Yes, Grafmir did eat too many Cornish Cream Teas. However the Fire Brigade tell me that within twenty-four hours, dehydration will have lost him enough weight to get out.

Great Rollright

All in all, the journey to the Rollright Stones could have been worse. Especially if the Extreeme Beaker Folk hadn't been thrown out of the last pub before their 9th pint of Old Hookie.

Please can Beaker Folk note for reference next year - access to the Stones is banned between sundown and sunrise. Sneaking in is strictly forbidden. We believe the two Beaker People who returned, cold and terrified, at 1 am were off to indulge in some kind of "fertilility rite" - but on encountering shady forms near the Whispering Knights, they legged it back to our B&B in the dark. On further investigation, we discovered that it was three hippies looking for a gateway into a parallel dimension and not the powers of darkness. On the other hand, the hippies were from Bromsgrove, so an easy mistake to make...

Wessex Men and Wessex Girls (apologies - Wessex Women)

All preparations are now made for the annual Beaker Folk expedition the sacred places of the West.

Please bear in mind that this is the land of Arthur; of Alfred; of Joseph of Arimathea; of Hardy and Cecil Day Lewis. Our pilgrimage is not about scrumpy and St Austell "Wreckers". We don't want a repeat of Burton's stay in Truro General.

Saw the whole of the moon?

Well, what a shame that the skies over Husborne Crawley were on the hazy side. However some glimpses of the eclipse - and now the awesome site of the first hints of the sun, bringing a pink hue to the skies over the Amazon warehouse at Marston Gate.

Some notes of clarification I should perhaps have issued before all that panic broke out at 3am. The expression "the moon has turned to blood" is a metaphorical one. It refers to the colour of the moon, and also references the prophecy of Joel, and its interpretation by St Peter on the Day of Pentecost.
It is not meant to be taken literally. Those members of the Order of the Gibbon who decided that a war had broken out between the Man in the Moon (today we prefer Occupant of the Moon) and the Moon-gibbons, causing the moon to run with blood - were frankly just losing it. The peace chants and the prayers for reconciliation on Luna were unnecessary.

Anyone now suffering from cold-related illnesses should make their way to the community First Aid room, where Hnaef will be serving hot toddies and handing out blankets. If he'd only shave his legs (it'd be for charity...) he'd make a lovely nurse.

Gibbon Moon

Warning to all Beaker Folk intent on dancing in Ashley Heath this evening. Frankly the forecast is for it to be a bit taters. Please wear at least six layers, and a hi-viz to assist the Bedfordshire Mountain Rescue should you get into difficulties.

Anyone planning any more extreeme dancing, please leave it to another evening. I spent far too much time at MK General last year as a result of that kind of behaviour.

To clarify terminology - the current moon is gibbous, meaning it's less than full but more than half full. Some-one misheard us while we were taking sightings this afternoon and went off telling other people it's the "gibbon moon". By tea-time it had formed into a fully-fledged sect worshipping the moon-gibbon. It is said that the moon-gibbon brings fertility (inevitably...), and that it rewards those of its followers who climb in trees while proclaiming the gibbon song. For goodness' sake, get a grip.

Thin Place Bungee

I am sorry to report yet another unacceptable use for a thin place.

The thin place in the beech spinney is very important to the life of the community. It is a place of communion and refreshment. A place to feel close to the Divine and the Earthly.

It is not acceptable to tie a length of elastic rope to the top of one of the trees and bungee. You are not repeatedly and rapidly entering another dimension - you are simply showing a lack of respect.

Also, it's too cold and foggy to go climbing in those trees. Hnaef is now severely bruised after missing his footing in a high branch. We'll discuss what exactly he, as a senior member of the Druidic team, thought he was up to once he comes round...

Ash Wednesday / New Moon

First of all, let's explode a few myths.

Ash Wednesday is nothing to do with the new smokers' shelter down at the White Horse. Even though it is particularly snug, what with the heater and the double insulation. It is nothing to do with cigarette smoke.

In common with many modern Christian festivals it has pagan origins. In this case it stretches back to the reverence of the ash tree. The ash (or "ashe", as the Celts called it) has many symbolic associations. In the Norse, it was Ygdrassil, the world-tree. In Anglo-Saxon times it was believed that ash dryads were the most comely. Only one thing on their minds, the Anglo-Saxons. Especially the Saxons. In many ways our Beaker Fertility Folk are rather similar.

In Beaker times, ash trees were used as the precursors for stone circles. This was a good way of getting your ley-lines sorted out during the thirty or forty years it took to drag the stones down from Wales, Scotland or - according to choice - Basildon. The use of ash trees in this way is evidenced in the many placenames and surnames that include "Ashley" - "the ley marked by the ash". We can speculate that when the stones were finally in place the ashes gave their last service as they were burnt, illuminating the great rituals in the solstitial dawns and dusks when the sarsens were consecrated.

The druids had great reverence for the Ash, which they regarded as second only to the Oak as a host for the holy mistletoe. To be honest we've no evidence for this, but it stands to reason, doesn't it...

The sacredness of the Ash was recognized also in the Middle East, to the extent that one of the Tribes of Israel took its name from the tree, as did the Canaanite goddess Ashtaroth.

In Celtic times yet more placenames received their names from the tree. Ashton-under-Lyme, for example, got its name from the habit of interring an ash barrel (or "tun") in quicklime at the winter solstice, in the hope that the gods would accept this sacrifice in return for restoring light to the world. Likewise Cold Ashby, Northants, gets its name from the sacrifice of an ash tree at this coldest time of the year.

Into Norman times the Marquis of Northampton built his fortress of Castle Ashby. It is thought that he believed, at a time of Saxon rebellions, that constructing his castle from this sacred wood would protect him from all attack. (The Marquis, after all, had other problems - due to a terrible spelling mistake his wife confused him with a Marquee, and using him for parties and receptions).

So there we have the history of Ash Wednesday. Now get out there and repent!