Modern Interpretations of old R&B Classics: Minnie the Scaramoucher

Folks here's the the story of Minnie the Scaramoucher.
He's a red hot... oh, he's gone.

Chorus:

Bye-de-bye-de-bye-de-bye...

Shepherds and Salespeople

Interesting article from Angela Tilby on the difference between the popular priests of fiction - in "Broken" and "Rev"  - as opposed to the missional model currently being promoted by the HTB style of bishop. I'm being a bit shorthandy and imprecise here, I realise, but I'm a busy archdruid and we've the entrails of a frozen chicken to inspect at Filling up of Beakers, so I'm not going to qualify everything I just wrote. Just assume I'm being a bit broad brush on the "HTB" and we'll be fine.

No longer a suitable candidate

Mind you, so is Angela Tilby. Maybe the reason the vicars in those programmes are so attractive is because that's what the writers want to make attractive. That's what fiction writers do. They write from a position, with an angle. They aren't presenting the world as it necessarily is. If the cafe church people are a bit queasy-making: is that what cafe church people are? Or is that simply because the writer wants us to feel sorry for Smallbone, in his vulnerability and general uselessness? And bear in mind that non-churchgoers tend to meet ministers in counselling / wedding / funeral situations, not when they're in a thought shower blue-sky-ing the latest missionary strategy.

Another recent Church Times article suggests that for churches to grow, you need leaders (if I can use that broad-brush term) who are risk-takers, strategists, and collaborative thinkers.

So if I were to be particularly vague and provocative - and why not, it's a social media world, after all - it appears the Church selects people who are introverted feelers; trains them in a way suitable for introverted thinkers; gets best results from extroverted thinkers; while Angela Tilby and today's TV viewers would like them to be a vulnerable mess with a strong suit in approachability and counselling.

Religious Ministers. Failing to be what people want since 30AD.

Sighs too Deep for Words

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn within a large family. 

And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified.
What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? Who will bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us.Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Rom 8:26-39)

Got stuck on the M1 yesterday. There was a crash between 13 and 14. Everything southbound was held up as they cleared the cars and debris from two lanes and got everything on the hard shoulder. Everything northbound was held up as people did so much rubbernecking, they brought the carriageway to a halt. All in all, everybody had an extra 40 minutes on their journey. I'll be honest. The feeling I had after half an hour that my life was at an end was a bit of an over-reaction. You know, despair is not designed for dealing with 40 minute delays. But we tend to do that, don't we?

Paul was writing out of a situation which we don't face. Sporadic persecutions, occasional legal - or illegal action that ended in the deaths of Christians. He's hunted from time to time, beaten with sticks, stoned. And not in a good way.

And yet he writes in this passage from Romans about God's closeness to us. And God's closeness in three different ways. But of course, God being triune, the three ways work constantly together.

First the Spirit. We don't all have fancy words for prayer. We can't all write collects for the Church of England for a living. And you know some people can pray for hours without ever getting much beyond "we just really want to say we loved you." And some are in such despair that all they can do is cry. But those who are Christians have the Spirit to do the praying with and for us. The Spirit searches our hearts - finds our deepest prayers - and takes them to the Father in prayers beyond our prayers.

Now this is really good news. After all, the Spirit inspired the Psalms. So the Spirit is really good at prayer. If what the Father needs to hear from you is a really well-crafted prayer, the Spirit can do that for you. If all you can manage are sobs, or silence, or tongues, the Spirit will wrap that into a tapestry of prayer for God - too profound for the human heart to utter. With sighs too deep for words.

And then Jesus, the Son of God. That Jesus who lived on earth for us. Who died for us. Who knows what it is to be a human - who carries our frailty, who inhabited our weaknesses. Who died and rose again.

That Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father and sticks his oar in for us. He's not just up in heaven looking serene and counting angels. Which are countless anyway. So he'd be wasting his time. If time were even a thing in heaven. But I digress.

But if you're thinking God has deserted you - you're feeling a long way off - if you're thinking you've deserted God - Jesus is there for you. Not dragging you along like you're living out the famous tea towel, "Footprints." But saying to his Father - "yes, she's angry. But she's tired. Yes he's in a dark place. We need to be there with him. She's under pressure - she's suffering persecution or just being pressured or harassed or ridiculed for being part of God's family - she's being made in my image."

God can seem a long way off. For all of us, Christians, unbelievers or others - it's easy to assume we are just hopeless, lost. That things are meaningless. I loved Frankie Boyle's definition of us as a bunch of slightly evolved monkeys, clinging to a dying rock. Which is, after all, true. But deep in the image that God gave us, the image of Jesus into which we are constantly being renewed, we keep hearing whispers that that's not all we are.

Whatever we may think, whatever our perspective. Whether we're high on God's love or our own genius, or deep in a mental or spiritual hole, nothing can separate us from God's love. That jealous, anxious, worrying, forgiving, embracing, open love that forgives everything and hopes everything. Like a parent over a sickly child, or one waiting for their son or daughter to come home long after time - like the prodigal's father who looks from the window and runs to see his child - that's how the love of God is.

Paul writes from the point of view of a persecuted church, and he could think the world's against him and God has forgotten them. But instead he pushes on to share the Gospel, well aware that if you follow Jesus's path, it leads to a cross.

And he does it because he knows what the Spirit wants to bring to us, what Jesus enthroned at the side of Majesty constantly prays for, what the whole Trinity works together to give us:

Neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Independent - Can we Really Trust it as a Source of Ultimate Truth?

Thanks to Mike Peatman, who has reminded me that there was a previous Independent article, by Lucy Pasha-Johnson, in which the truth of the Bible was doubted on the grounds that King Solomon's Mines have never been found.

King Solomon's Mines is a book by Rider Haggard.  Not a book of the Bible.  I can see how the Independent and its weirdly ahistorical researcher friends might get confused.

According to the Bible, Solomon was very rich. But according to the Independent's expert, "Successive generations of theologians and archaeologists have scoured the Holy Land looking for his capital city, palace, temple and wealth without any success."

Here's some clues. The capital city was Jerusalem. It's on the map and I believe you can even visit it. The temple was destroyed, and then rebuilt. It's under the Al Aqsa mosque - feel free to ask if you want to excavate it. His palace was made of cedar, so it's probably burned down or rotted by now. It was in the middle of a city that has been continuously rebuilt for 3,000 years, so good luck with the post holes. And his fabulous wealth? Apparently all the gold had been replaced with bronze, and that was even before the Babylonians destroyed the city and the temple and took away everything of wealth.

If you're looking for Solomon's wealth, it ain't in Israel. And if you're looking for King Solomon's Mines, they're not in the Bible.

If you want some sensible archaeology or biblical history, don't waste your time with the Independent.

The Independent: Wrong on a 3,000 Year Old News Story

I mean, goodness knows it's hard enough, with the lack of finance, for papers to get breaking stories right.

But hats off to Ian Johnston in the Independent, who's managed to get a 3,000 year old story wrong. Despite the story being clearly written down in a document called "The Book of Joshua".

According to the Independent, the Bible says that all the Canaanites were wiped out by the invading Hebrews. And the fact that people living today are descended from Canaanites proves the Bible wrong.

Except that's not what the Bible says. By the end of the Book of Joshua, despite all Joshua's genocide, the Gibeonites are still alive having conned the Hebrews. In Judges we discover Canaanites being subject to forced labour rather than slaughtered. The Jebusites apparently held onto Jerusalem until King David conquered it - and even then they were forced to serve, not annihilated.

So it appears the Canaanites hung about, even in the formed Canaan. But what makes the article less credible even than that, is that the DNA the investigators used to compare to modern Lebanese people was from remains uncovered in Sidon.

That's right. Sidon. The Phoenecian city. Now the Phoenicians may or may not have been Canaanites. But they certainly weren't living in an area where the Hebrews were slaughtering and taking over. And when Jesus goes to the "Land of Tyre and Sidon", he meets a Syrophonecian woman. Who is apparently completely unaware that, according to the Independent, her ancestors had all been wiped out and she doesn't exist.

I guess the moral of the story is this. " People living today descended from people living in the same place in the past" is interesting but not a big story. "Science proves Bible is Wrong" - now that's click bait.

50th Anniversary of the Decriminalization of Something We'd Rather Not Think About

Statement from the Druidical Synod

So obviously we're glad that 50 years ago something we'd rather not think about was decriminalized.

We're not going to dwell too much on the thing we'd rather not think about.

But, you know - we're all sinners aren't we?

Some moderately adjust their tax returns.

Some say words they regret. Rude words we won't repeat.

Others might slightly exceed the speed limit or maybe, let's face it, park where they shouldn't and hope they get out of the shop before the traffic warden notices they're on a double yellow

And some people do things we'd rather not think about.

And obviously it's good they're not illegal any more.

But we'd still rather not think about them.

We'll just randomly say 'sin' again. No reason.

Response from Beaker Mainstream

Obviously it's right that the thing we'd rather not think about is not illegal.

But in saying they're glad the thing we'd rather not think about is illegal, the Druidic Synod missed off a load of other things that aren't actually illegal but are definitely sins.

Sins. Sins. Sins.

There's a lot of sin about isn't there? If only the Druidic Synod had noticed.

I love saying "sin", don't you?

Sin.

In Parables #notgb17

I was thinking about that bit where Jesus tells his disciples the explanations to parables, but "the crowds" only get half a story.

And I realised for the first time (for I'm a little dim) that the two groups don't have a Donald Trump style wall between them. These groups aren't as Lazarus and Dives who have a gulf set between them. Rather, they're potentially dynamic. Someone wanting to know the second half doesn't need to sit in eternal darkness, wondering who the goats are or what darnel represents. They just have to move themselves from the outside to the inside group. Then they can have the explanation.

Which goes against 50+ years of Church making itself accessible by simplifying; of dumbing our theology to God as our dad and Jesus as our boyfriend. Of simple theology and burying mystery and hard stuff. Of floating paper hearts in paddling pools at All Souls when we should be considering the Fear of Israel and praying we are saved from the wrath to come. We can just put things in our own way, half-explained. And if people want to know more they can ask

To that end, this year's Beaker Folk stream at #notgb17 will be "Preach the Gospel. And don't worry if they don't understand it." The keynote speaker will be Drayton, who will be speaking on the hymn "There is a Fountain Filled with Blood." Vespers will be in the Syriac tradition. And in keeping with this conceal/reveal model of parables, people proving by their donations that they are true believers will receive an English translation.

Just giving page for #notgb17 in aid of Big Issue Foundation

The Vicars are Revolting

Gavin Ashenden, formerly one of 783 or so chaplains to the Queen, is threatening a "Vicar Rebellion" against assorted wrong things - according to the Telegraph.

But 23 clergy of some kind is hardly a "rebellion". That's more on the level of a minor upset at a chapter tea party. What's the collective term for a small number of upset clergy? A schismette?

Let's face it, Reverend G and his 22 friends ain't gonna 'hold the streets" in the worst clergy riots since the Popish Plot.

The article quotes the Revd Dr Sanlon of Tunbridge Wells. It doesn't say he is "disgusted". But I bet he is.

Still, I'm now anxiously awaiting them to drive some tanks in appropriate liturgical colours on Synod.

"What do we want?"

"Traditional Biblical sexual morality."

"When do we want it?"

"1523."

Leaning Into God

Today's Big Topic in the Moot House: "Leaning into God - What does it mean if we fall over?"

Leaks in the Church

A Folkstone Church discovers the cause of its leaky roof - a World War II bullet.

Worth watching to wonder why it didn't occur to the congregation at the time - there being a war one. But I suppose they could have been distracted by the Home Guard amusingly getting caught up in the bell ropes while shouting "Don't Panic".

Which reminds me - for those of Anglo-Catholic persuasion especially  - isn't the verger's attitude towards the vicar spot on in its portrayal? And shouldn't it have been stamped out back then?

I digress. The piece also has a niche bit of subtitling failure, as "flèche" gets rendered "flesh". You just can't find a subtitler with an interest in church architecture when you need one.

But it does remind me of when we had a similar problem with leaks. Took us months to find out the source. Then it turned out to be Denzyl on the Pastoral Committee, sharing what he shouldn't down the White Horse. We soon plugged that.

"Any Answers" - the Nation Speaks

Anita Anand: Welcome to "Any Answers". And we have a call from Eloise from Ealing.

Eloise: Hello, Anita

Anita: Eloise, you had something to say about the changes to the pension age for women?

Eloise: Yes. I'm just the age that will suffer from the latest Government change. And I think it shouldn't apply to me. It should affect people slightly older.

Anita: Thanks, Eloise. Anything else?

Eloise: Yes. I think people named after songs by The Damned should get extra pensions.

Anita Thanks.  And now we've got Arthur from Acton.

Arthur: Hello, Anita. I'm in Acton. And I've noticed that houses in Acton are more expensive than those in Herefordshire or parts of Alfreton.

Anita: OK Arthur. So what should happen to deal with this?

Arthur: I suggest a massive subsidy for people in Acton, to restore the balance.

Anita: Thanks Arthur.  Rodney from Rockingham?

Rodney: Like all the people in Rockingham I live on a hill.

Anita: So what do you think the Government should do about this, Rodney?

Rodney: Oh, nothing. I just thought the nation deserved to hear my beautifully modulated tones and incisive analysis.

**** Nation turns to Radio 5 and wishes the football season had started again ****