Monday, 11 June 2012

Leaving Keith in the Pub

I've left my child in the pub.

Easy to see how it happened, in retrospect. Charlii was playing pool with Stacey while Keith watched, I was in the more lounge-like side of the White Horse, arguing about whether the precession of the Earth's axis is anything like the Trinitarian analogy of perichoresis (it isn't, in my opinion. But Burton's theory is that if two things he doesn't understand have long names they must be similar). I went home, assuming Keith was still with Charlii. Meanwhile, Keith had paid a call of nature and Charlii, noticing that I had gone and Keith had disappeared, assumed he'd gone home with me.

Obviously, I blame myself. Actually, I don't. I blame Charlii, but it sounds better to blame myself. We're both a bit worried now - after all, he's only 24. Having said which, I don't think he'll be found helping the staff. Except by, effectively, paying their wages.

Still, it's a good idea for Charlii and I to keep banging on about how worried we are about Young Keith. It's a lovely distraction from the questions the people on the Moot have been asking about how I got the Husborne Crawley Advertiser to run all those nasty articles about Drayton Parslow.


  1. I can sympathise with all people who sort of forget their children. I have never done that, of course, but there was the time I took my brother to the grocery store, and went on home with my purchases leaving him sleeping in his baby carriage outside the store. It could happen to anyone. I don't know why it's front page news!

  2. Well, at least it happened by accident. Which is a lot more than my father could say.

  3. we left our pet dog at land's end when I was little, does that count?

  4. There is a long and noble tradition of 'good enough' parenting dating back to Joseph and Mary. Don't get stressed. Blame the precocious offspring.

  5. I often forgot my children, particularly when their birthday's were due :(

    However, this digresses from the danger that young Keith was left in by his mother and his lover. Alone in a public house, with all of its attractions. Various Ales, Various Spirits, Pub Grub, Pool Table, Widescreen TV, mates to chat and mess about with and of course the Barmaid!

    If your version of the White Horse is anything like ours, you have young, nubile, single and willing barmaid's, employed to attract and flirt with the punters, while getting them to buy ever more of your wares.

    The blonde one, who tries to emulate Marylyn Monroe is the biggest danger (literally regarding bust size and cleavage) while the brunette is surely the model for the Mona Lisa.

    Keith will be in great danger of falling for their charms and abandoning both mother and lover as the biblical text comes to his mind. "Leave your father and mother" and cleave to any pretty barmaid you can.

    Woe and thrice woe in Husborne Crawley!


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