Thursday, 6 December 2012

Autumn Budget Statement

I'd like to thank Burton for his Autumn Budget Statement. He won't be presenting it, of course. He might say something stupid.

To summarise - the situation is dire. Revenues are down. Nett Beaker income is down. Doily sales are down. The filling of the pillows is about the only thing that isn't down.

So we can look forward to another year of austerity. The hot water will now be available from the tap in the kitchen on alternate Weds, and I'm going to be introducing a series of rolling power cuts across the three floors of the Great House. I know I said last year that we had another year of austerity. So fingers crossed for next year, eh?

Now i'd love to stick around and answer some of the questions from you poor people. But the helicopter's waiting to take me to Milton Keynes. It's not some kind of emergency - I just like seeing how lovely the parks and lakes look with all the frost.

Don't worry, though. You poor people can enjoy the frost as well. The beauties of nature are free. Which is just as well, as otherwise I'd try and put a surcharge on them.

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