Turkey and Tinsel Services

I've always been struck by the entreprenurial opportunities - or, if you prefer, chances for engagement - that are modelled by seaside hotels in the concept of "Turkey and Tinsel" breaks. These give the retired and the comfortably but not extravagantly well-off the chance to pre-celebrate Christmas in comfort, peace and quiet long before the real thing is ruined by children, grandchildren, feuds, chaos, disorder, bad feeling, arguments over the telly and edgy silences that characterise being with the family for too long at one go.

And so we're giving the Beaker Folk the chance to pre-empt Christmas this weekend as follows:
Tonight, when eveyone's had a few and are ready to go to bed, we will shuffle them into the Moot House for "Midnight Celebration". This will take place at 11.30. When it is actually midnight, we get half a dozen people to turn up late and confused, and make them sit at the front. They will then stand up when everyone is sitting down and vice-versa, as well as holding the Streams of Living Walter books when everyone else is going from Hums and Singe of Fellowship, Ultimate Combined Version of all the Other Combined Versions - Now That's What I Call Worship 86.

After ten minutes, when they start to wander round the place, Hnaef and his Paramilitary Division of Beaker People will throw them out. This will be described as "Engaging with the Community".

Then, when everyone's gone to bed, we will play recordings of small children shouting "Can we get up, now?" all night at high volume before getting everyone up early, herding them into the Moot House, and expecting them all to be joyful. To add to the general mood of celebration, Hnaef will wear a beard.

I like to think that, if we do this, at least the real thing won't seem so bad.