Sunday, 18 May 2014

20 Science Facts that Prove God Exists

One day, the sun will expand in size to the point that it burns up the earth's oceans. But until that day, there will always be the need to put scientific proofs of God's existence, based on the Goldilocks theory or whatever, on Facebook. So here's a few for you,

1. Isn't it great that God put the ice caps at the Poles, where nobody lives? If we all lived at the Poles, we would struggle to support so many people.

2. Bananas are just the right shape and size to fit in your mouth.*

3. If there were no blue in the Sun's light, the entire Chelsea football team would be invisible. Not just Fernando Torres.

4. Numbers are in decimal, which is really handy as we have 10 fingers.

5. Tree trunks are just the right length to reach the ground.

6. If evolution is adaptation to the environment, how come we evolved bottoms before we invented chairs? Doesn't make any logical sense. And these scientists are meant to study the evidence.

7. The longest days are in the Summer. So you can stay outside in the evening because it's warm. If the longest days were in Winter we'd all stay in out of the cold and wouldn't be able to make the most of the daylight. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

8. If there was evolution, how come there's still Jimmy Carr?

9. If Gravity repelled instead of attracting, we'd all be on the Moon, where there's no air. Which would have slowed the development of Civilisation no end.

10. If God hd made cats look like rats, we wouldn't want to cuddle the evil, mouse-murdering, diseases spreading monsters.

11. If Gravity were 30% weaker, there would be no need for diet food. And then the cows that produce skimmed milk would all have to be put down.

12. If there were more dimensions, flats could be smaller in Camden. This would mean that Coldplay might never have left.

13. If Gravity were really like a giant stretch of black rubber, you could use the Universe as a massive pondliner. And then we would all drown. Since it's not, scientists are wrong and God is good!

14. Jeremy Clarkson's foot is exactly the right size to fit in his mouth. Coincidence? Or God-incidence?

15. If the earth rotated twice as fast we'd all fly off. Twice as slowly and the working day would be interminable and the EU 48 hour rules unworkable. If it stopped and rotated the other way intermittently, we'd all feel seasick.

16. If Luton were exactly 20 miles further from London, it would mean that Bedford was much bigger.

17. It's no accident that humanists are all drawn to anoraks, so people know to avoid them.

18. God allowed life on earth because, if little green people had lived on Mars, that would have been an awful colour clash.

19. God put all the gay people in Brighton, because that's where he put all the cool shops.

20. God doesn't let it rain in the deserts, because nobody lives there so it would just be a waste. And besides, it would all evaporate.

*with due accreditation to Norman Clegg, in Last of the Summer Wine.

1 comment :

  1. That was Norman Clegg? I thought everything about a banana testified to a creator God.


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