Breaking news...

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Global Lightening - Warnings from Scientists

Strange changes are being seen in the weather over the last five months, which may have major implications for farmers and insomniacs.

Scientists have warned that every morning, dawn is breaking a little earlier. And every evening, the sun is setting a little later. Some are suggesting that this is related to the warming trend seen since February.

"In fact," says Dr Grant Cheque, "if the days continue to get longer, at current rates it will be light all the time by March 2015. Governments must act. Please can I have a grant?"

The radical and unprecedented changes to solar availability are also being noticed by hardworking people and pensioners. A woman we picked at random in a Bletchley bus queue said,

"It's terrible. It's even light at 10 o'clock. Makes my Arnold awful frisky. I've started buying the hay fever tablets that make him drowsy. And he doesn't even have hay fever."

Meanwhile, in Australia, scientists are warning that it's getting increasingly dark. They are asking for funding to look into whether the two phenomena are related.

8 comments :

  1. Meanwhile in the news its reported that The Incredible Hulk has been denied a visa to visit the UK to speak at meetings of the Green Party on the grounds that he might overstay his visa, as Britain is the greenest nation on the planet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sounds like anti-global warming, anti-science propaganda.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The worst anti-science nonsense is propagated by the global warmists. Their embarrassing feather-headed nonsense has now been elevated to a dogma that my Geography students must learn in order to pass their GCSEs. Woeful propaganda.

      Delete
    2. I'm very anti-global warming. It's dreadful stuff.

      Delete
  3. I'm more worried about warming. It seems to be a lot hotter now than it was in January. If it carries on like this then December will be really baking.

    The only solution is to increase taxes, ban foreign travel, and demolish greenhouses (apparently they produce gases).

    ReplyDelete
  4. I am most offended that you all seem to be treating Global Warming as some sort of joke. Having suffered the direst problems myself, in Narnia - I would suggest that you kill any lions you come across - on sight. Likewise any beavers with anachronistic sewing machines, and hairy-legged pan-pipe players living in caves furnished like an Oxford Don's study. And eliminate anyone called Pevensie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Since the global warmists are constantly misusing the image of polar bears clinging onto "the last bits of ice" in order to propagate their global carbon fascism, the sooner we shoot all polar bears the better.

      Delete
    2. Well, what do you expect? Aslan constantly flying across from his home in the Utter East. You reckon it's magic? He's got a Lear Jet.

      Delete

Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl