Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Jobs for the Triffids

Yes I should never have got the triffids involved in our daily worship. But my defence is that St Augustine is currently unavailable, except for prayer ministry.

And I've had to take the big triffid off its initial job as Stewardship Officer. Triffids essentially kill things, then sit around waiting for their prey to decompose so they can absorb the resultant nutrients. And that's a bad message to send when you're suggesting people might want to consider legacies.

So we gave them the job of holding candles in the procession. But turns out their stubby, leafless sticks are not as handy for bearing tea lights as for beating their boles to send out messages to other triffids.

And they're very rich in plant oils.

Still, look on the bright side. It's gonna be days before we have to switch on the lights in the Moot House. And, if not quite incense-like, burnt triffid does have a nice,   refreshing smell.


  1. Any way of (safely) harvesting triffid oil? Suspect you may have discovered a potentially lucrative* revenue stream. Give the monks of Prinknash a run for their money.

    *or even lubricative (wordmashing greatly undervalued)

  2. Burning Triffids makes a change from Giraffes eating them. Perhaps you need a Triffid welfare officer - they could guard the seeds and growing plants and harvest them just before they mature enough to eat humanity. Mind you, you'd need a few in reserve for the odd accident of being consumed.


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