Having conducted a rapid 7-year "Shared Conversation" on the experiences of people who fit spiritual devotions into their morning routine, the Beaker Liturgical Group are pleased to share these experimental rubrics for devotional preparation.
The Pre Preparation
At the sound of the alarm, the worshipper may press the "snooze" button.
At the sound of the second alarm, the worshipper may swear fluently.
[If the worshipper shares their room with a spouse, partner, sibling or other (who are we to judge) the following may be used:
Worshipper: N (or, as it may be, "Sweetie", "Hon", "Bae" or "Me'Duck", do you want a coffee?
N: I do.]
Liturgy of Multitasking
The worshipper may start the bath running, go downstairs to the kitchen, plug in the iron and switch on the coffee machine [Methodists may put on the kettle and put some "instant" in a cup, as may Catholics since Vatican II]
Discovering they have forgotten to bring their blouse/shirt down with them, the worshipper may run back upstairs, to discover their smartphone alarm is now going off.
Going back downstairs the worshipper realises they were distracted by the phone and forgot to get the shirt/blouse.
The worshipper retrieves the shirt/blouse to discover they forgot to switch the iron on when they plugged it in.
Ministry of waiting for the iron to warm up
During the waiting time, the worshipper may feed the cat or switch the TV on briefly to check out the news.
A Time to Move Swiftly
Noticing water coming through the ceiling, the worshipper will run upstairs very quickly.
A Time of Mopping Up may be introduced at this point.
A Time of Completion
The worshipper irons the blouse/shirt, pours out the coffee [Methodists etc pour boiling water on coffee granules making a vile brew] and takes the coffee and shirt upstairs.
The worshipper may run enough water out of the bath to accommodate their own volume, in accordance with Archimedes' Principle.
The worshipper realises the smartphone is still on the dressing table.
A time of improvisation may take place, until the worshipper realises they have left the iron on and switched off the freezer instead.
From an original idea by Paul Stead