Saturday, 25 March 2017

Mothering Sunday - Urgent Update

We've gone through tomorrow's special "Not Offending Anybody on Mothering Sunday" service to ensure it can't cause offence or upset.

We took out anything that could offend or upset people who were adopted; people who wanted to be mothers but couldn't be; people who've lost their mothers; people who can't stand their mothers; mothers who can't stand their children; men; people who were raised by wolves and people who hate other people trying not to offend or upset people.

Which means the liturgy now consists of simply the line "I take it you forgot the clocks went forward?"

So let's take the day off. It's best all round. The potted primroses the Little Pebbles were going to give out are in the potting shed. For those of you who aren't offended by primroses.


  1. The thing that I hate is being given a posy of flowers that I'm allergic too. I complained last year that:

    1. I am not a mother.
    2. Mothers don't need flowers - just a stiff gin.
    3. If this is Mothering Sunday, where is the chocolate?
    4. I can't stand daffodils as they make me sneeze, can I have aritificial ones?
    5. Can we ban Mothering Sunday next year?
    6. What is in this for Men?

    I am now banished to the coffee rota for two months.

  2. My mother is no longer with us, Facebook is full of slushy messages and stuff about Resting In Peace. Actually I wanted to say that I hope my mother is letting everyone rest in peace, because no one got any peace when she was down here. I know I am a bad daughter, she told me regularly, even on her death bed!

  3. I missed out on the flowers that were being given out in church. My colleague forgot that I was a woman because at the time I happened to be standing at the altar wearing the 'manfrock'!

  4. Whoops, now I know the answer to 'have I missed anyone out?'


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