Samhain

Was it just me that found last night's celebrations a little... well, disappointing?

It was with great regret that we had to start the procession from the Great House rather than the Moot Hall, the Moot Hall having burnt down during last week's Festival of Creative Worship. However, it was still a moving site as the green hi-viz of the Festal Druids glowed in the shimmers of moonlight that we could see through the mist. Arfur turned up wearing the wrong colour hi-viz, but then what do you expect? The procession through the Orchard was sufficiently impressive - but the shock came as we rounded the Doily Shed to find - no Duckhenge. Our magnificent trilithon, bought at the cost of so many ducks as the creosote leached off into the pond last year, has gone. The Samhain Rites were nothing like so magnificent without a henge monument.

Investigation has shed light on the incident. Burton and Drayton have admitted they chopped Duckhenge up when they ran out of firewood during the Saluting the Moon ceremony. In olden days, anyone chopping up and burning a sacred monument would have been hanged from the nearest trilithon. Ironically, even if this were still allowed, the nearest trilithon is in any case now a pile of ashes. Burton and Drayton have now erected a giant thermometer outside the community visible from the Aspley road, and the "Great Trilithon Appeal" is now officially open.

Meanwhile, due to the shortened ritual, it would appear Young Keith and his friends went off to the White Horse for a couple prior to some fairly foolish trick-or-treating. I don't know who got those Russell Brand and Jonathon Ross masks, but they've terrified poor old Mr Garcia down Crow Lane.