Like the seasons of the year and the Beaker festivals, business goes in cycles. Just as we mark the high and low moments of the other cycles, so we now mark the low point in the business cycle. At least we hope it's the low point.
In honour of the Government's attitude to the recession, all Beaker Folk are to wear T-shirts emblazoned with the slogan "it's their fault, not mine".
In recognition of the media's reaction to the crisis, all Beaker Folk are to wear special glasses that give perfect 20-20 vision, but only for things that are behind you.
The Children's Club will jump up and down on a selection of cardboard boxes, to symbolise the collapse in property prices. Please can you avoid jumping on the larger boxes, as there are a number of former Woolworth Employees who are hoping to sleep in them later.
The Archdruid will take part in the Grand Hunt in the Back of the Sofa, as we try to find some resources to pay down debt.
Since the members of our community who were formerly in the banking world are now no longer able to contribute towards its maintenance, they will be required to walk to Ridgmont Station on foot. As a sign of repentance they are to wear sackcloth and ashes. When they arrive, Hnaef will throw their belongings onto the platform, and give them enough to get the train home. Their 4x4s, Porsches and other flash status symbols have been impounded on our behalf by Young Keith's uncle, the policeman. We will sell the cars off just as soon as there's a market for them, to recover their outstanding voluntary contributions.
If you hear an odd noise coming from the paddock, that's Drayton Parslow busy shutting the stable door. Now if only we could find that horse...
Please note that for future collections, all offerings are expected to be in gold. At least you can trust the shiny stuff.
Robert Peston is not the messiah. He's just a smug little journalist.
"Robert Peston is not the messiah. He's just a smug little journalist."
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