Thursday 6 February 2014

The A-Z of Technical Church Terms

There's only one thing sadder than somebody using a technical church term, knowing that there are people in the church who don't know what it means. And that's somebody using a technical church term, thinking everybody knows what it means. Let's see if we can help.

AmboSouth American form of liturgical dance
ApseA lapsed asp
AspergesItalian variety of asparagus
AspergillumWhite flower that only blooms when it's raining
BirettaItalian squash eaten while riding a Lambretta, and firing a Beretta
CassockA long Ukrainian tunic
ComplineWhat you do to something that isn't compled.
HassockA long Ukrainian with a spasm in the diaphragm
Laetare SundayThe Sunday when the clocks go forward, and everyone turns up... yeah, OK.
LaityHorizontal church people
LecternAn electric duck
LectionaryPushy dictionary
LegiliumA narrow ledge, for perching eagles on
MisericordsAn overweight person's shoelaces
NarthexThe plastic you make notice boards out of
Oxford MovementDown to the bar when you give up on the essay
OblationBlowing up an oval balloon
PulpitA doll's pullover
ReliquarySomebody who collects retired vicars
Rogation DaysThe chance to go round in odd-shaped circles
SpandrelA breed of small dog, popular with vicars
SupererogationRitual blessing of local senior police officer
ThesaurusA terrifying, verbose dinosaur
TranseptVicar with a wide nose
VestibuleAn inflatable lifejacket, in case the font overflows
VestryWhere to hang your vest

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