Wednesday 3 May 2017

The Archdruid's General Election Piety

If there's two things an election generates in the world of Social Media, it's snark and piety.

Snark we can accept as a given, I believe. So let's turn to piety - or possibly piousness. Never know the difference. People love their pious clichés. Mostly the people to the Left. The C of E may be the Tory Party at prayer, but if you're looking for a set of uplifting abstract concepts to give everybody unlimited benefits in an unspecified future, Socialism is a lot closer to a religion.

But the important thing about piety is - it gets retweets. Your little trite "This election, vote for the kind of party your puppy would" is gonna get more airplay than "I'm not convinced a commitment to leaving the Single Market will have long-term upside benefits on East Midlands job creation."

So my turn. What do I want to see?

I want a Britain that we can all unite behind. One where jobs fall from trees and there is a community centre on every street corner. A place where, given enough cynicism and hatred, even people who didn't go Cambridge can make a living as comedians.

A land where tax is low and benefits are high. Where schools produce open-minded astronauts to fill the endless demand for space jobs. Where only the politicians' jobs are replaced by robots.

I want a land where our borders are open to everybody - except terrorists and people coming to take our jobs. Where smoking is not just forbidden in public buildings, but smokers are openly persecuted. Where nobody ever commits crime - not because of fear of being caught, or overcrowded riot-ridden prisons, but because they just don't want to.

I want a land where, despite pulling out of Europe and refusing to pay our dues and acting like the English Channel is 4,000 miles wide, we are more prosperous than today, with the money to achieve social justice and world-leading businesses. Where we can change everything, yet go on as we are.

Sorry. Sorry. Dunno what happened there. Got carried away. That last paragraph is just wishful thinking.


  1. Wishful thinking gives hope to the despondent. It defuses snark. Thanks.

  2. It exists at the top of a hill in Narnia. Where's that wardrobe got to? Form an orderly queue, there's room for everyone.

  3. Well said! Forever the island-nation outlook. An "Empirical view" provided it never darkens our shores. On similar lines (wheels) I recommend a private snigger at the "Austin Brexit" poster, modelled on a certain 1970s British Leyland car. I sense that "bloody difficult woman" may become Mrs May's epitaph, but not as gloriously as The Iron Lady's.

  4. I want a land where there are "bobbies on bicycles, two by two" and where they don't risk being knocked off their bikes by a fast moving white van.

  5. A Remainer's Dream:

    11 November 1940

    The Prime Minister, Mr David Lloyd George, will now address the nation:

    "This morning I signed the armistice which was offered to me by Herr Hitler and Signor Mussolini through the good offices of Mr Devalera. All hostilities with Germany and Italy will cease at 11.00 a.m. today.

    "I have met Herr Hitler in his mountain home and, now as ever, I feel entire trust in his generosity, genius and goodwill, as well as that of his fellow-statesman Signor Mussolini.

    "I am pleased to announce that King Edward VIII has resumed the throne. At his request, I have become Prime Minister with Sir Oswald Mosley as Foreign Secretary and Minister of Defence.

    "The British Union will henceforth be the sole Party in the state. Parliament has been dissolved and the General Election, which was due later this year, has been cancelled.

    "The people will henceforth be represented by the eminent members of the British Union whom Sir Oswald Mosley has appointed to that task, meeting in Grand Council.

    "All other political parties, newspapers, trades unions and public and private associations are suspended, pending their dissolution or reconstitution.

    "The future of Great Britain, the Empire and Commonwealth is guaranteed. We will take a proud place as a member of the Axis, securing the sea lanes of the New Order against the rootless cosmopolitans of the United States.

    "Hail Victory"


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