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Monday, 11 September 2017

All for Love

Social Media all abuzz at Stalky Luke, the Bristol Pianist.

Luke Howard was saddened that his girlfriend, who is apparently organised and  together, doesn't want to go out with him any more. Texts and phone calls make it worse, apparently. So he's dealt with that by pitching his piano in public and playing sad songs, and telling the press he won't stop till she comes back to him.

Because clearly "Rapunzel" is gonna think what a fool she's been. All those texts and phone calls, but now she's aware the press are going to all of Luke Howard's friends, if he has any, asking who she is - now there's a Facebook page dedicated to her - she's gonna realise what a catch she's missed.

My expectation is that Howard will play his piano until the weather turns, then pack it in. Though the thought of him, in his hipster clothes, piano decomposing, in Bristol in 50 years while everyone blasts past on jet packs, sounds quite appealing. A Miss Havisham for our times.

Trouble is, Howard's behaviour is potentially an inspiration to others. Burton Dasset just told me that, because I've spurned his love for a decade, he's now going to start serenading me. By singing "Kayleigh". On the ukulele. Daily.

I've given strict instructions to my head of security (Hnaef) that if he hears the words " dancing in stilettoes in the snow," then Burton's to understand - he's got to go.

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