Sunday 7 February 2021

Modern Jobs for a Post-Modern World

 Here at the Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley, we're realising that in the new world we're not as well off as we used to be. So we're reducing the number of frontline druids. Thanks to Arquan, Jezwell, Rodquil and Geremy, who are now on "House for Druid" terms. Without the houses.

But the exciting news is that we've found the money from somewhere for four exciting new posts at Enabling Druid level. These Enabling Druids will be reporting directly to our Executive Deputy Archdruid (Hnaef), and helping the team with the forward envisioning of the druidic experience in these trying times.

 Job descriptions are below.

Mission Consolidator Druid

The Mission Consolidator's role is to see all the mission going on, and consolidate it. The successful candidate will have a role across both vertical and horizontal sectors - with the possibility of working on the diagonal after year 1.

Mission is like a messy garden - the weeds of new life can spring up anywhere, messing up the patio and levering bricks out the wall like a rampant buddleia. The Mission Consolidator will be expected to apply the oversight metaphorical weedkiller on the growth in the margins, to ensure the mission is safely contained in nice big raised beds, and keeps the missional garden tidy.

The ideal candidate will have a hatred of things getting out of control, and ideally some kind of bull terrier cross.

Coordinating Druid

With a wide-ranging vision over the scope of our stewardship, outreach, inreach and top-down revitalisation activities, the Coordinating Druid will be tasked with coordinating whatever they see. Anything uncoordinated is to be rationalised, organised, restructured and generally coordinated. The Coordinating Druid will have a dotted line into my Assistant Executive Archdruid (Charlii), a diagonal line reporting into the Archdruidical Executive Assistant (Young Keith) and a desk next to Burton Dasset (sorry).

The ideal candidate will have experience in leading small start-up religious groups, providing drive and energy, and giving them the dynamic impetus to grow them while maintaining strong discipling disciplines. Failing that, some experience in Microsoft Office, especially Access.

Dreamer of Dreams Druid

The Dreamer of Dreams Druid will be charged with the dreaming of dreams. Imagining the impossible, seeing visions and generally coming up with those off-the-wall strategies that could change the direction of the House of Druids.

Since that's all basically a waste of time, they'll also be running our Mailchimp account and writing begging letters to local authorities if we think they might have any spare cash.

The successful candidate will have a track record of failed ambition and broken dreams. This job might be suitable for a former Liverpool manager.

Oversight Druid

The role of the Oversight Druid is to keep an eye on the other three, in case they get above their station and start thinking they might make an Archdruid.  Meantime, they'll be drawing up exciting transitions for slides in PowerPoint.

The Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley are an Unequal Opportunities Employer. 


  1. That is so good, but in a painful way.

  2. Ouch! Have you been making an undercover visit to our diocese?

  3. Oh dear, oh dear, ArchDruid, you have forgotten one of the most important part of a modern job description! All candidates, even to be considered, absolutely must have a degree, preference given to those with Masters or PhDs, in exciting combinations of two totally unrelated (and irrelevant)subjects such as entomology and Bulgarian. It is also essential that the word "Studies" (as in, Classics vs Classical Studies) be a part of the degree title.

  4. Is working on the diagonal what bishops do?


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