Saturday 6 February 2021

Prayers for Deodre: By Tradition

 Prayer Book: "And so, immortal and all-powerful God, even remembering that Thou art almighty and we but poor sinful worms, deserving only to be crushed under Thine eternal feet - we bring before Thee thine servant Deodre. A sinful and failing maidservant but still Thine own creation - humbly petitioning that Thou in Thy great mercy might heal her and not rush her suddenly into her departure from this vale of tears - but if Thou dost not heal her, at least offer her in Thy great kindness chance for repentance so she departs not into the Pit but rather through Thy great act of redemption....." 

Mid-80s Charismatic: "And so God we just want to say that we just want to ask you for Deodre, that you just heal her, Lord, and just make her well, Lord, and just give her so much healing, Lord, and that she just will feel just so held up in your arms, Lord, and so we just hold her up to you, Lord, so you can just hold  her in your arms, Lord, and just make her well, Lord, and in your loving arms, Lord, we just pray that...."

Pre-written Prayers Led by Member of the Congregation:  "And we pray for Deodre, that you will heal her. I'm not allowed to share what she's got, for reasons of confidentiality, but you know what it is. And we pray also for the bloke she caught it off." 

Celtic: "God of the sea and sky, and all the other less elemental elements like the trifold rock, scissors and paper  - may the road rise up before Deodre - but maybe not as fast as when the sun on her face dazzled her, the wind on her back spun her round due to her over-large backpack, and she tripped over the kerb." 

Methodist Extempore Prayers: "And Lord we pray for Deidre. I mean Deodre. Lord, you know who I mean. Heal her from her blisters. Oh no, that's Mairhe. Her acne."

Beaker Folk: *Lights a tea light, thinks nice things about Deodre* 

Sea of Faith Tradition: "Shame about Deodre, isn't it? Hope she can reconcile herself to it."

1 comment :

  1. Interesting. I wonder what Deodre thinks of the pick and mix approach?

    Perhaps she will be comforted that people care, or care less about her and hopes that the science can be invoked to develop and treatment at pace for her unprecedented ailments.

    She can trust Boris to get the scientists onto this immediately - can't she?


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