I'm really annoyed. It's been so long since this happened last.
And now I've got to go and update the notice board that said "4209 days since we last lost part of the community into a black hole" and reset it to zero.
How was I to know how many Alternative Service Books were going to come in as a result of us declaring an ASB amnesty? But that was the problem. It wasn't the ASBs. As the trunker-loads of ASBs came in, and we wondered how to deal with them, we were caught in a pincer movement as thousands of copies of "100 Heresies for Today" came in from the other direction. Who knew so many people bought them? And held on to them - presumably locked in an attic like Mrs Rochester lest they got out and did any damage?
And then packed them into cardboard boxes and sent them to us.
The Preface to 100 Hymns for Today starts, "Today's Christians need today's songs to sing as well as yesterday's." If the book had ended there as well, that would have been good. But they had to follow it with some actual hymns. I mean, that much heresy and dodgy poetry that tightly packed.Those Sydney Carter titles alone were wrenching at the astral plane. How can a book be 3% Sydney Carter? Well over the critical limit.
So the sheer weight of Syd C dragged all the dark things from Bedfordshire and Milton Keynes towards itself. Including a concrete cow, a couple of tons of slugs, and a Wetherspoons pub. All circling the Alternative Service Horizon.
Now the thing is, once you're beyond the Alternative Service Horizon, time goes very slowly. It's like being in a Liberal middle-of-the-road church in the 1980s. As the vicar preaches on why King David was invented by King Josiah to justify his writing the book of Deuteronomy. In other words, it tends to infinitely slowly. To our horror, Burton Dasset was dragged into an endlessly-cycling loop of "God of Concrete, God of Steel".
How were we to save Burton?
I'll be honest, I've got no idea. He's still in there, his face frozen with horror. Oddly, in a Theological Black Hole, all the light can escape. It's the hope that gets dragged down.
We'll have a bit of a think. He'll keep. Beings he's an accountant, he was always a bit light on hope.
Poor Burton, I'm sure you put him there to stop him nagging you about all of the unexplained expenditure on you Beaker Corporate Card. He was getting suspicious because the new 4x4 Green Landrover costing over 80K appears to being paid for by a direct debit on the Corporate Card, he didn't accept that it was ArchDruid's expenses.
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