Blue Monday Schedule

6am Rising in the Dark

7am Cleaning of Teeth

7.30 am Wailing (with Gnashing of Teeth)

For those at work:

7.45 am Departure for Work

8.30 Shuffling round for a cup of coffee

8.45 Waiting for the computer to boot up

9 am Whingeing back round at the Coffee Machine

10 am Doing some actual work

10.50 Getting in orders for trip to Coffee Machine

11  Trip to Coffee Machine

11.20 Handing-out of Coffee

11.45 Some more actual work

12 noon Peering out the window thinking it's not very nice

12.30 Surfing the net instead of going into town

1.30 pm Going into town anyway

2.30 Coffee Machine

2.45 Bit more work

3.00 Weekly stand-up meeting

3.30 Weekly sit-down meeting

3.45 Brainstorming Session

3.46 Awareness Training (Implicit Epileptic Discrimination - Module 8)

3.50 Thought Puddle

4.00 Getting ready to go home

4.59 Last-minute crisis

5.00 Departure.

For those who do not have, or choose not to have, paid employment

7.45 Hiding under the duvet

9.25 Jeremy Kyle Show

9.30 - 5 pm Fear and Trembling

Combined activities

6 pm Dinner

7 pm Wailing

8 pm Gnashing of Teeth

9 pm Filling up of Beakers (if not frozen)

10 pm Cleaning of teeth

Blue Monday Preparations

It seems a shame to spoil the mood of festive jollity, as the first inflatable Santas appear on the roof of the Great House and now the dancing penguins are stretching all the way down the drive.
But I'd like to remind all Beaker Folk about the preparations for Blue Monday, which this year will be 17 January. I know it's really an advertising campaign, but I never miss the chance to add another seasonal date into the calendar. Especially if I can get some money out of it.

So on 17 January we will be celebrating with Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth. Which gives you all about 6 weeks to get to the dentist's to make sure your teeth are in decent Gnashing condition. So get down there now.

If you go to Mr Fang's in the village, I get double Nectar points. So I'd strongly advise those of you who don't qualify for NHS dentistry (probably all of you, these days) to see Mr Fang. And with any luck, the bleeding will have stopped in time.

For those of you without your own teeth, don't worry. Teeth will be provided.

Where every prospect pleases

The Blue Moon New Year do last night went very well.  Although the 3-hour performance of "Out of the Blue" was quite enough for anyone.  But halfway through an interminable rendition of "Turn to Stone", I wandered outside and gazed up at the moon.  Beautiful, ducking in and out between the clouds, on such a hard, dry, cold New Year's Night.  A mute reminder of the goodness of all creation - "Though every prospect pleases, and only man is vile."  The poet, of course, was writing before the days when it was realised that you can't go using "man" like that to mean the whole human race.  What he meant was "Though every prospect pleases, and only men are vile."

I'm sure we can all agree with that.  Especially in the light of yet another of Young Keith's dangerous inventions.  His Mobile Roman Candle Launcher was absolutely terrifying.  Especially for Young Keith.  A load of pyrotechnics in a shopping trolley, welded onto the front of his mountain bike.  I mean, full marks for a fantastic display - moving in more ways than one.  But it was a close-run thing whether he was going to end up at MK General again.  Thankfully he emerged unscathed, which is more than can be said for the Doily shed.  Although every cloud... the bottom has well and truly fallen out of the doily market, and the insurance will come in very handy.  What with that and the money for the Moot House, and now having St Bogwulf's Chapel available for worship, we're laughing all the way to the Fine Wine shop.  Although we do have plans to get Messrs Astraseal in to put a glass roof on St Bogwulf's.

The New Year Blue Moon Liturgy / Watchnight / Party

Introit: Still got the Blues

Archdruid:  Peace be with blue.
All:  And also with blue.

Archdruid:  Hey there, Mr Blue
All:  We're so pleased to be with you.

The Archdruid (or it may be a member of the Chelsea Supporters' Club): Blue is the Colour
All:  The future's light blue, the future's Man City

Notices
Archdruid: Just the one.  The local Methodist minister was hoping to join us tonight, in lieu of a Wesleyan watchnight service.  But unfortunately he broke a tooth on a hymn sandwich.  Nasty.

Hymn: Blue Moon

---

Reading: Numbers 15:38.  

All: So why don't the Evos insist on that as well, then?

The New Year Easter Sermon

Statement of Blue Belief

All:  

We believe in Blue
Colour of the heavens, 
the sea and also of smurfs.
lying in the spectrum at approximately 470nm.
And also in Turquoise
Calming colour of the spirit
suitable for tracksuits and loonies alike.
And we believe in Cobalt
Atomic number 27
So useful in magnetic devices and high-strength alloys.
And also in blue ceramic tiles.
It burns with the brightest of blue.

Hymn: Don't it make my brown eyes blue

---

Archdruid: Still ages till the Big Moment.  Any ideas?

The Beaker Band perform their tribute to ELO's Out of the Blue.  For three hours.

All:  Thank goodness that's over with.

---

The Liturgy of Midnight

We wait for the bells of Big Ben.  Then realise there is no radio or TV in St Bogwulf's chapel, so it's not going to happen.  Nor will the authentic Beaker sundial that Hnaef has brought with him be of any use.

Archdruid: OK, it's five to by my watch, five past by Young Keith's, exactly midnight by Burton's and 1662 according to the Prayer Book Society.

All: Let's rock and roll! 

The singing of Auld Lang Syne

Rapid swapping of hi-viz from blue to red for the New Year.

Recessional - New Year's Day.   (appropriate as we wake up under blood-red eyes.) 


By Episcopal decree, the toilet cleaners for this year's Watchnight Party were Bloo.
And for those of you watching in black and white, the blue ball is the one behind the green.

Under a blue-moon sky

Much excitement as we realised that the full moon this Thursday night is in fact going to be a Blue Moon.
Followed by a certain amount of sadness for our Australian cousins, as we realised that theirs won't be.  Astronomy is funny like that.    Or maybe Australia is.  But then they have nice weather, apparently, which must be a great comfort as you are treated after being bitten by one of their many dangerous reptiles and insects.

It can honestly be said that a Blue Moon on New Year's Eve actually happens much less often than once in a blue moon.  And I'm glad to hear that we are heading towards a blue moon.  I thought my recent run of depressing bulletins regarding thermodynamics and New Year's Eve were just down to post-Christmas/Solstice ennui and the stresses of dealing with a bunch of stroppy numpties in the Choir.  But now, with our plans in place to deal with the Choir, and knowing that it is the moon that is blue and not I, I am looking forward to the New Year's Eve Watch night Service / Party with real vigour.

The party will now have a blue theme.  Beaker Folk are invited to wear blue, the colour of heaven and spirit.  Woad will of course be compulsory.  Drinks will be WKD blue, Blueberry Pear Cider and blueberry wine.  And Blue Nun, if you must.
Beaker People are invited to refer to each other as "Blue" at all times during the service / party.  I must needs work out the liturgy, but the word "blue" is liable to occur quite a lot.
Until then - may Peace be with blue  (I think you can see where we'll be going with this...)