Super Moon

At this time of the year, we celebrate the new life flooding into the environs of Husborne Crawley. But it's all a little slow this year. The Daffs haven't really kicked off, only the apricots are in blossom and the Beaker Fertility Folk are confining themselves to barracks until Mayday.

But it's Super Moon later!  Can you imagine? Not your boring old Full Moon  - beautiful, yellow, scary, sure - but just full.  This is a Super Moon! 14% bigger!

Guaranteed to produce earthquakes in Japan two weeks before it happens, and other related disasters, because it's a Super Moon.
Let's just, for a moment, consider the scientific load of foetid dingo's kidneys we're dealing with here. "Did the Supermoon cause earthquake?" asks the Sun. No. No, it didn't. It didn't because even if a "Super Moon" could cause an earthquake (it can't) the earthquake didn't happen now, it happened then. When there wasn't a full moon, and the moon wasn't at perigee. It was just somewhere in its orbit, and crescent. Not a super moon, and not even gibbous - let alone full. No, it didn't cause it. Or, to put it into full scientific rigour - no. For goodness' sake get a grip.

Now it actually is Super Moon, can that cause extreme weather, earthquakes, volcanoes and worldwide woe? No. It it can't. It can't because it's not actually that super. We get full moons every month with no discernible ill effects (apart from the werewolf hauntings on the Ridgmont Road, but I reckon that's a co-incidence). And we get the Moon at perigee monthly also. This one's slightly closer.  So yippee. We even get the "Super Moon" every 18 years or so - and yet, after billions of years of Super Moons, the Earth is still spinning and we're all here. To be on the safe side, I should say that any disasters that do happen today will be a co-incidence.

I'm gonna add this to the "ooh let's get irrationally excited" pile in the Community compost heap. Alongside the "Planets in alignment end the world" scare we get every few years. Though I'd better worry. That pile of compost is getting pretty high. And the Super Moon could cause it spontaneously to combust. It does things like that.

When post-modern religion requires sacrifices

I know. I invented this religion so there was one religion - just one - which is unambiguously about comfort, having a good time and feeling good about yourself. And you signed up and pay your tithes so that you could join a "happy" religion. But even a happy religion demands things from you occasionally.

So yes, I know it's dark.
Yes, I know it's cold.
And it is very early.
And it's foggy as well, so you can't actually see the sky.
And it's setting as well.
But it's still just turned full.

Now can all Beaker Folk please get outside. That moon's not going to howl at itself.

Where every prospect pleases

The Blue Moon New Year do last night went very well.  Although the 3-hour performance of "Out of the Blue" was quite enough for anyone.  But halfway through an interminable rendition of "Turn to Stone", I wandered outside and gazed up at the moon.  Beautiful, ducking in and out between the clouds, on such a hard, dry, cold New Year's Night.  A mute reminder of the goodness of all creation - "Though every prospect pleases, and only man is vile."  The poet, of course, was writing before the days when it was realised that you can't go using "man" like that to mean the whole human race.  What he meant was "Though every prospect pleases, and only men are vile."

I'm sure we can all agree with that.  Especially in the light of yet another of Young Keith's dangerous inventions.  His Mobile Roman Candle Launcher was absolutely terrifying.  Especially for Young Keith.  A load of pyrotechnics in a shopping trolley, welded onto the front of his mountain bike.  I mean, full marks for a fantastic display - moving in more ways than one.  But it was a close-run thing whether he was going to end up at MK General again.  Thankfully he emerged unscathed, which is more than can be said for the Doily shed.  Although every cloud... the bottom has well and truly fallen out of the doily market, and the insurance will come in very handy.  What with that and the money for the Moot House, and now having St Bogwulf's Chapel available for worship, we're laughing all the way to the Fine Wine shop.  Although we do have plans to get Messrs Astraseal in to put a glass roof on St Bogwulf's.

The New Year Blue Moon Liturgy / Watchnight / Party

Introit: Still got the Blues

Archdruid:  Peace be with blue.
All:  And also with blue.

Archdruid:  Hey there, Mr Blue
All:  We're so pleased to be with you.

The Archdruid (or it may be a member of the Chelsea Supporters' Club): Blue is the Colour
All:  The future's light blue, the future's Man City

Notices
Archdruid: Just the one.  The local Methodist minister was hoping to join us tonight, in lieu of a Wesleyan watchnight service.  But unfortunately he broke a tooth on a hymn sandwich.  Nasty.

Hymn: Blue Moon

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Reading: Numbers 15:38.  

All: So why don't the Evos insist on that as well, then?

The New Year Easter Sermon

Statement of Blue Belief

All:  

We believe in Blue
Colour of the heavens, 
the sea and also of smurfs.
lying in the spectrum at approximately 470nm.
And also in Turquoise
Calming colour of the spirit
suitable for tracksuits and loonies alike.
And we believe in Cobalt
Atomic number 27
So useful in magnetic devices and high-strength alloys.
And also in blue ceramic tiles.
It burns with the brightest of blue.

Hymn: Don't it make my brown eyes blue

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Archdruid: Still ages till the Big Moment.  Any ideas?

The Beaker Band perform their tribute to ELO's Out of the Blue.  For three hours.

All:  Thank goodness that's over with.

---

The Liturgy of Midnight

We wait for the bells of Big Ben.  Then realise there is no radio or TV in St Bogwulf's chapel, so it's not going to happen.  Nor will the authentic Beaker sundial that Hnaef has brought with him be of any use.

Archdruid: OK, it's five to by my watch, five past by Young Keith's, exactly midnight by Burton's and 1662 according to the Prayer Book Society.

All: Let's rock and roll! 

The singing of Auld Lang Syne

Rapid swapping of hi-viz from blue to red for the New Year.

Recessional - New Year's Day.   (appropriate as we wake up under blood-red eyes.) 


By Episcopal decree, the toilet cleaners for this year's Watchnight Party were Bloo.
And for those of you watching in black and white, the blue ball is the one behind the green.

Full Moon Rain Dance

To all those still doing Rain Dances, please can you stop. There's enough rain, we'd like to see the full moon tonight, the Moot House Memorial Swimming Pool is overflowing and there are fish swimming round the orchard. I'm not too worried about the Test starting tomorrow, as I don't think the Rain Dance has that kind of range.

Liturgical Colours

Can all Beaker Folk please note - now we are past Pentecost the official liturgical colour for hi-viz vests during Howling at the Moon ceremonies is Green. You can put the Yellow away until Yule...

Also, I'm afraid Burton is going to be missing tonight's Full Moon Pouring-out of Beakers in celebration of the Calling of the Council of Nicea. He had an unfortunate collision with a lump of ash. We hope he'll be better soon.