Wednesday, 11 December 2019

Order for the Interring of a Prime Minister in a Fridge

HYMN: "VIEW FROM A FRIDGE"

Archdruid: Dearly beloved, we gather here to mark this solemn rite. The insertion of a Prime Minister into a fridge.

All: We bet it's not even the first time he's had to hide in an item of household furniture.

Archdruid: And we don't even need to mention that he's been doing a milk round.

All: This stuff writes itself. 

Archdruid: Man that is born of woman is not necessarily one of Boris Johnson's illegitimate offspring.

All: But there's always that chance.

Archdruid: And so it is that Boris Johnson, faced with a stressful experience, reverted to his deepest instincts.

All: And called upon the mountains to fall upon him.

Archdruid: But being there were no mountains handy 

All: He jumped in a fridge instead.

Archdruid: All men are as grass.

All: Which lieth all around.

Archdruid: They are as a puff of smoke

All: Which gets in your eyes, stinks and is really irritating.

Archdruid: And we know the next PM will have to stand up to Putin, the EU and Trump.

All: So lucky we've got someone who knows where his fridge is. 

Archdruid: And so we join in the sacred chant.

All: Come out, Boris! We know where you're hiding!

HYMN: Love Theme from the Fridges of Madison County

Tuesday, 10 December 2019

Beaker Folk Prayer for the General Election

Oh God, we pray for the General Election and that through it your will be done.

Albeit we're a bit concerned that if we explicitly associate your will with the results of the election, there's kind of an impression given that the winners have God on their side.

Which given the potential leaders we're looking at currently seems, frankly, a bit worrying. We mean, we know you've worked through Cyrus, Potiphar's wife, Joseph's brothers selling him into slavery and a talking donkey. But, you know, that was back in Biblical times when it was all a lot simpler.

And we're a bit worried that if we say your will is equivalent to the results of a democratic election, then it's arguable your will made a right mess of it in 2015, 2016 and 2017. Not to take party political sides, but we've not been a terribly high-performing country after any of those votes. Was that your will?

As if it was, we can only conclude that in fact your will is to punish us for something. Maybe the Empire, or making hot pants trendy in the 60s, or Strictly Come Dancing. Don't get us wrong, we can understand the punishment is deeply appropriate. But shorter and sharper would probably be better than this slow death by lies and fantasy we've been going through lately. Just a plague of frogs, maybe?

Votes without end

Amen


Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.

Sunday, 8 December 2019

Prepare the Way

"This was the man spoken of by the prophet Isaiah when he said: A voice of one that cries in the desert, 'Prepare a way for the Lord, make his paths straight.'" Matthew, 3 - Bíblia Católica Online

Solstice sunrise over Cranfield airfield

Words are powerful things, but slippery. They're ambiguous, imprecise, can carry multiple meanings. Which is why it takes a certain kind of brain to be a computer programmer. If you're the sort of person that says, "but that's not what I meant to say", who likes to use language that is powerful but ambiguous, which if taken the "wrong" way, can do terrible harm - try not to be a programmer. Go for Prime Minister instead. If you're wanting to be a politician you can say all sorts of things which can mean terrible stuff, but claim that all along you were quoted out of context, or meant something different. If you're a computer programmer your language means just what it says - regardless of what you meant. Computers aren't impressed that you went to Eton, or spend your spare time at the allotment. And if you've ever had to deal with a whole evening of Burton Dasset telling you about the time he spent a month looking for a full stop in the wrong place in a Cobol program in an accounts payable package, you'll know exactly what I mean.

But real human language - as opposed to that used by programmers - isn't like that. It's nuanced, it lives in context. It has a background, a genre, a sub-text. You have to know what you're dealing with. As Paul Merton said about reading the telephone directory (and I'm glad I can count on half my readership knowing what a telephone directory is,  still): the plot's terrible. But the people - they seem so real! Which is why reading human language - especially something as multi-layered as the Bible - is not something we should do like we're computers, following the apparently obvious instructions in front of us.

All of which thoughts, in reference to the Bible passage above, come out of the most controversial tweet of the week in Christian Twitter, from Miranda Threlfall-Jones. Asked to give her most controversial liturgical opinion she tweeted:
I mean, obviously she's right. It was controversial. And she's right that we need to stop and think about what we're doing with these words. There's good reasons we can't just use them without reflecting what the words mean in our language - and what they're trying to grasp for. But she got a lot of abuse and was accused, among other things, of heresy and idolizing feminism. But let's look at the word "Lord", for Jesus or God.

"Lord" in the Bible is an interesting word. Or words. The Greek word is Kurios. Which in Greek can equate to the English words "lord", "master" or even, in the sort of phrase Alf Garnett would have used, "head of the household". The English word of course means "male member of the nobility", and is only used in this context by people who don't actually live on the Woburn or Althorp estates by people referring to the House of Lords. A chamber of government populated in England by some people we didn't vote for, many of whom are actually experts in their fields, but some of  whom are simply the friends of current or former Prime Ministers.

So far so obvious. It appears that Matthew is telling us that the Lord of the Manor is coming back to pay a visit. And that's certainly a reasonable analogy. One Jesus does use himself. Consider Jesus's parable about the ruler going away on a long journey.

Albeit worth remembering that, in days gone by in Great Brington and surrounding villages, it was Raine Spencer who is remembered as having wielded the real power in the Althorp estate. But is it problematic, the idea of Jesus as a ruler who will come back, put things to right and deal dreadfully with his enemies? I guess it depends who you think God's enemies are. If you're the american or English middle class, sitting comfortably, you're going to be thinking God will be dealing with those who don't behave in your particular way. People who put their milk in the tea first, or call their kids after favourite lager brand or something. If you're the First Century Church, running into hiding places as the other one who calls himself "Lord", who has power over life and death in the here and now hunts you down and demands you swear allegiance - you might have a different idea of how God's Lordship will sort things out. The Book of Revelation sounds terrifying unless you're on the bottom of the pile.

The early Church took the term "Lord" and applied it,  not to Herod - the kingling whose power ultimately depended totally on Caesar - not to Caesar, whose power he claimed came from God but who so often actually derived power from a fragile truce with his own army. The Church gave the term to a refugee baby, to a crucified man. Against the power base of the Roman Empire, the Church said real lordship lies with the homeless and dispossessed.

But - and this is why the Bible is many-layered - that's the Greek word we use for "Lord". John the Baptist almost certainly wasn't speaking Greek out in the desert. And the phrase that Matthew quotes from Isaiah definitely wasn't written in Greek. It was in Hebrew. And there are a number of Hebrew words that you can translate as "lord".

"Baal", for instance. Which is normally left untranslated in English translations. Because it became the name of a god of the tribes the Israelites fought against. And it would be confusing to translate as "the lord", particularly when Elijah's in that miracle fight with the prophets of Baal.   Then the Hebrew word "adonai" - meaning "sir" or "my lord" - as you might refer to the boss or the squire. And that's used about God as well, and Jewish people would say it when referring to God rather than use the holy name of God - which is the word that Isaiah actually does use - the one Bible scholars write as YHWH, and the New Jerusalem transcribes as Yahweh, and the Jehovah's Witnesses write as Jehovah and claim is God's real name though it's not because we don't know what the vowels should be.

But that other word we translate as "The Lord" (with little caps in many Bibles) isn't about land ownership or feudalism or who's the boss in the same way. It's more about God as being - it's a derivative of the verb "to be". It's why God can be referred to as the "I am". Why when Jesus says, "Before Abraham was, I am" (John 8:58), he nearly suffers a stoning. John the Baptist isn't paving the way for a super-charged land-owner. John is anticipating that the very one who writes the words of the world's story is going to be turning up.

This is way beyond emperors, Pharaohs, kings and squires. This is the eternity of God in the space of one - short - human life. This is the one through whom and for whom everything was made, turning up on site.

And that concept is really hard to grasp - which is why I struggle to put things into human words, with my severely limited human imagination, even with this wonderfully flexible and powerful and slippery thing, the English language - which is why we are limited down to words like "king" and "lord". And "shepherd" and "servant" and "father", "mother hen", "creator" and "saviour".   Each one is a word that tells a facet of God, each an image - and we know what happens when we take an image and make it represent the whole of God.

That first Advent is when the architect and builder of the universe becomes part of the building materials, made up of the stuff that God first made, subject to its physical limitations - but also of infinite love and creativity. In a world of petty kings and short-lived emperors, God is revealed as the child of a beaten-down nation, a refugee, a prisoner and a condemned criminal.

We remember his coming, at this darkest time of year in our Northern latitudes, as the spark of hope in despair, the first glint of light in the darkness. And prepare for when Jesus comes again - and the broken-down, yet so beautiful world we inhabit is caught up forever into the wonder of the God who came down so far for us.





Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.

Tuesday, 3 December 2019

Advent Candles Explained

Congratulations to Skaldwell, whose arrangement won this year's Advent Candle prize.

It's certainly generated a lot of strong reactions. But I don't think that anyone can doubt that "The Pointlessness of Hope in a Decaying World" is a powerful statement.

A scattered arrangement of burnt-down and crushed tea lights
The Pointlessness of Hope in a Decaying World

The astonishing Fegus Butler-Gallie, a cleric whom all should follow on Twitter, has come up with a wonderful thread of tweets on the subject of Advent Candles.  But left people asking - what actually is the significance given to each of the candles?

Well, obviously in an ordinary Advent ring, there's the big white one in the middle that actually represents Christmas itself. But the other four have very specific meanings.

Sometimes there will be four red candles (this one is under construction).


In this case, as in all Advent rings, the clues are in the iconography of the colours. The red represents Liverpool, and the four candles represent the "4 lads of Liverpool" from the old hymn: John in a taxi, George in a car. Paul on his scooter, beeping his hooter, following Ringo Star.

Sometimes however the candles will be 3 purple and one pink. Please don't go thinking the pink one is for Mary, and should be lit on the fourth Sunday in Advent because that's her Sunday. No, the candles stand for each of the four Sundays in Advent and represent, as follows:

1. The Sunday when everybody wonders why we're not singing Christmas carols yet. But maybe that's because it's in the Octave of Black Friday and you need a nice purple candle to stand for not as black as Friday, but still a long way to the white one. But surely "Away in a Manger" wouldn't be out of place? And the vicar does the 4 Candles joke from the Two Ronnies but nobody under 50 understands it but that doesn't matter because apart from little Scirocco, who's there with her gran, there's nobody under 50 in the church. But then someone points out there's five candles anyway. And that falls as flat as a counter-tenor on a day of above-average humidity.

2. The Sunday when everyone thinks "does she know it's Christmas", as the vicar's picked a load of stuff about John the Baptist for no apparent reason and isn't that next week? Or maybe last week? Does anyone know why the readings don't match the Collect, only the latter's all about the Bible and what's that got to do with Christmas anyway? And the quire's asking why are there no bars in the music for O Come O Come Immanuel? And the organist doesn't care because he plays it in a minor key in 11/8 time because that was a thing he saw on Youtube.

3. The Sunday when it's the Nativity and in the evening it's the Church Carol Service and why are we still going on about John the Baptist? Surely he should be in the New Year some time when it's all about repentance and Jesus going out into the wilderness? Traditionally the Sunday when the vicar lights the pink candle and everybody says you can't because pink stands for Mary because she's a girl and that's next week. Or possibly last week. Or is it Matthew, Mark, Luke and John? Or is that the names of the Bootleg Beatles? And is it this week or last week for the jumpers where Santa's nose glows? Only St Luke wasn't clear.

4. The Sunday when even the vicar's given up and picked some Christmas carols and there's not many people at Church because it's not long till Christmas Day so you've got to go and do some physical shopping. And the vicar lights the fourth candle and everybody says can you light the white one, only we'll be away over Christmas so we never see that one lit till it's all burned down in January and we're saying can we get rid of the crib and someone's saying YOU CAN'T BECAUSE IT'S GOT TO STAY TILL FEBRUARY BECAUSE CANDLEMASS. And everyone's going the tree will never last that long. It's already gone brown and the needles have fallen off because the Brownies insisted we had to hold the Christmas Tree Festival in November, at the same time as the Scarecrow Festival, because that's when people like to come to church - when they're feeling all Christmassy. And then the bare, dried out tree gets too near the five candles dancing in a ring and everyone legs it out and calls the fire brigade.

And that's what the four candles of the Advent Ring are all about.


Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.

Monday, 2 December 2019

Advent Imagined and Advent As It Is


Advent ImaginedAdvent As It Is
Gazing at the sunriseGazing at Amazon
O Come, O Come ImmanuelStep into Xmas
A quiet meditationTurkey and Tinsel
The Four Last ThingsThe 5th Works Do
A chapter of Luke Each DayRetweeting a meme about Boris Johnson and the rear end of a donkey
Looking meaningfully at the darkling skyScreaming inside in Morrisons
And is it true?Which present isn't too dodgy for the Secret Santa?
How will the end be?The dog's eaten the tinsel
Making space for thoughtWhat rough beast, its hour come at last, slouches to the Rose and Crown?
Repentance and FastingFear and Loathing
"I am coming soon"Next-day delivery
Walking around a lake in the gathering gloom, imagining how our ancestors would have gathered themselves around the fire.Defrosting the car prior to a 100 mile trip to see an uncle who hates you
A Spaceman came travellingA woman unravelling
"O" AntiphonsOh what now?
The deep past, when ploughing was over for the year and all there was to do was wait until spring.The present day, when you still have to go to work till Xmas Eve even though you mentally checked out in November
A Time to ThinkMaking 104 Christingles
MindfulnessFretfulness


Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.

Wednesday, 27 November 2019

Looking After Little Jacob

Don't know if anyone can help here.

I've been doing a favour for someone I was at college with. Said they'd a bit of an embarrassing situation and could I help. And of course, I said yes. Well, you do, don't you? You never know when you might be  needing a favour back. I mean, after the election one wants to ensure one's tax-free status is maintained.

And it's been three weeks now and this is becoming a real problem. I mean, I understand the Tories want to hide Jacob Rees Mogg away from humankind. And the tunnel between the Great House and the Abbey is obviously an excellent hiding place. Apart from my brother, Mrs Rochester his keeper, a few ghost nuns, and a random selection of legendary Pokémon, nobody has needed to hear any of his gaffs. He's not embarrassed his party in public all that time.

But it's a real problem now. He's been down there these three long weeks, and it's New Moon, and  the preternatural lusts are rising. And if he should find a way to separate his soul from his body and slip through the bars - a double-breasted phantom swooping through the glades of Aspley Heath - who knows what might happen? We really need an answer.

Does anyone know what to feed a Rees Mogg?


Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.

The Traditional Pre-Advent Advertising Extravaganza

Just a reminder to all happy Beaker Folk out there that Advent starts on Sunday.  And what could be more Adventy than the Kindle book that contains so many haunting thoughts on morality than the works of Melissa Sparrow? Just a quid for umpteen poems on the subject - guaranteed to make the gloomiest December morning just that bit gloomier.

And for that Xmas present - why not give the joy of "Writes of the Church"? As a work of ecclesiology it sadly fails badly. But just the sort of book to take up very little space in a stocking, but bring some light relief after a big Xmas dinner. 

Monday, 25 November 2019

Vexmas

What a special time of the year! As Stir-Up Sunday falls in the Octave of Black Friday, we move into that phase of the Brexival period called "Vexmas".

A curious, liminal, half-tinted time. Each one has their own way of marking Vexmas. Some are complaining that Black Friday lasts a week - ignoring the massive benefits to Retail logistics of not having to shift 10% of your online sales in a day. 

Some, such as the Beaker Festive Folk, are already decking the halls with tacky tinsel. While the John Lewis ad is being skipped past just like in the good old days, by families gathered together round the Sky Q.

But the real traditionalists, harking back to the old days, are still complaining about the sound system at the Remembrance Parade. And that one of the cubs was wearing the wrong colour socks.

Ah, it's the most wonderful time of the year.

Sunday, 24 November 2019

Bling When You're Winning

The Beaker Folk are on at me today. Is it right, they ask, to have your Yule decorations up today - Stir Up Sunday - or is it better to wait till it's proper Christmas next week?

To which I reply, as I do every year, that they don't need to come to me for such liturgical insight. They put them up in mid-October regardless.

Justice, Rare Earths and Mammatus Clouds

The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.  For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. (Col 1:15-20) 
I mean, Husborne Crawley is lovely. The countryside, the babbling brook, the soothing rumble of the M1.  But sometimes you've just got to get up and go somewhere else. And sometimes that somewhere else - contrary to all that is good and natural and apparently obvious - isn't London. And so I found myself walking through Northampton. And, with Paul in Athens, I had to  reflect that the people of Northampton are a very religious lot.

St Peters Northampton
In an odd way. Northampton has its lovely All Saints Church, from whose roof Charles II gazes down on the town that did so much on the other side in the Civil War. And then it has Holy Sepulchre, that wondrously historical and yet oddly ignored church to the north side of the town centre. But where St Katharine's Church was - and St Katharine is the patron of that traditional Northampton trade, lace-making - there is just a quiet patch of park frequented by drug users and the drinkers of oddly-named lagers. While out towards the Railway Station, the gorgeous St Peter's is redundant.

Yet religion teems from the side-streets. There are churches in alley ways and lock-up garages and even the wondrously named "Holy Ghost Zone" - which does sound like the most inspiring part of the Crystal Maze - just along from the cinema that was owned by the now-dismembered Jesus Army. And although they have a statue to Charles Bradlaugh - humanist, atheist, reformer and MP - they figured the best place for him is a roundabout near a Free Church Chapel that has been converted into a strip club. I'm not sure he would totally have approved.
"Holy Ghost Zone" (from Google Maps)

And so it was that, walking past the rows of boarded up shops between All Saints and the Holy Ghost Zone, I was accosted by an elderly man who gave me a leaflet about God's wonderful creation. And people who have followed this blog will be well aware that I do indeed believe in the terrifying wonders of God's creation - of the blue skies, green fields and hideously dismembered swans when the feral killer -wallaby of Aspley Guise has been on the prowl. That Mammatus clouds are both beautiful and yet reminders of the terrible powers of electricity. And also have the sort of name that makes schoolchildren snigger.

And I'm sure the chap was hoping that I would either ignore him - like everyone else - or take the leaflet, go away and be quietly converted without causing too much trouble.

Mammatus Clouds

So I stood there and read the leaflet. And swiftly found its appallingly-constructed attempt to dismiss the Theory of Evolution (which I shall not bother you with now, dear readers. But you will guess that it probably was appalling) and I explained why its argument made no sense. And said there were good evidential reasons for believing in the Theory of Evolution. And he told me he didn't know about that but he had Jesus in his heart. To which I responded that I, too, knew the indwelling reality of our incarnate redeemer - that my heart is indeed, I hope, a Holy Ghost Zone - but I also had respect for the works of science.  To which he replied "ah, scientists" . And I, a Master of Arts in Chemistry from The King's Hall and College of Brazen -Nose, in the University of Oxford - decided it were best it were left there.

But it matters. Because the man who can raise his eyebrows and say "ah, scientists" about the Theory of Evolution no doubt wakes up in the morning and tells the time using a device that depends upon an understanding of science. If he switches on the lights in his church, he depends upon sub-atomic level physics. He stood there on the pavement, confident in the knowledge that, due to the Laws of Gravity, he would not suddenly float off from Abington Square into the sky. Not, that is, unless the Rapture came.

Quite a nice evening for a rapture

Why is it that religious believers who so ardently believe in nuclear power, the internal combustion engine and even smartphones, yet refuse to believe in the Theory of Evolution? It's down to a foolish division among the idle pondering classes of the 19th Century, I believe. Professional scientists rebelled against the idea that the fruits of their trade was something a part-timer like Lemaître, Mendel or Newton could just knock up in their garage in between considering the eternal verities. You needed proper, paid, scientists. Not these amateurs.

And this artificial war between science and religion - whose dubious cassus belli was swallowed like a particularly juicy worm by those extreme believers who wanted to prove they were more believing than the rest of us - has done terrible things.  If it were not for this phoney war, Richard Dawkins would be a retired zoology don doing a bit of gardening after a mediocre career, and Ricky Gervais would be on the 81st series of The Office. And in my opinion, a world without Derek would be worth paying a lot for.

But I want to say that in this world where we have experts in small fields - and I'm not just talking about Weird Alan's nocturnal habits down in Middle Acre - we need people who know in great detail the workings of the chemistry of the rare earth metals that mean the smartphone or tablet you are reading this on functions. We need environmentalists to tell us that mining all those rare earth metals is not necessarily a great idea. We want people who can understand the way that genes work, or don't. The way that fossil strata can tell us of the unimaginable wonders of evolution - the brutality of life's struggles and the remarkable flexibility of life itself. That is good. And we also need dreamers and poets and philosophers and - I believe - theologians. And I know the chap who sneered at my use of the word "scientists" would likely do so about the word "theologian". Even though his poorly -argued leaflet was an exercise in (poor-quality) theology. And his belief in the Rapture is down to the theology of Dispensationalism evolved by John Nelson Darby. And he'd be unimpressed by my firm belief that I'd rather spend an evening down the pub with Georges LeMâitre than John Nelson Darby. But you just get the feeling that Darby wouldn't buy a round.

But we need some people who can stand back and take a wider view. And maybe that's the job sometimes of we non-experts. I'm not much of a scientist or a theologian. But when I read Paul, trying to drag the Colossians onside by telling them the uniqueness of Jesus, I reckon I can see him on both sides of the War Between Science and Religion - or possibly in No Person's Land in the middle - waving a white flag and getting shot at by both sides.

He tells us about the human Jesus who is also the eternally-firstborn of God - through whom all things were created, by whom all things were made, and the one who holds them all together.

In Romans he tells us that God is the one in whom we live, and move, and have our being. John 1 tells us that Jesus is the Logos - the Word - the one who gives existence and meaning and logic to the universe. And Genesis 1 doesn't tell us that God literally spent 6 terrestrial days making everything. It ain't like God had a week off, and was trying to get a patio laid in the garden by Friday so as to have a barbecue on it at the weekend. Genesis tells us that this world is trustworthy, ordered and predictable - qualities without which Science is nothing.  It also tells us that the Universe's ordered and yet awesome nature means it has meaning - about which good Science has no opinion.

So I believe that the Jesus whom I try to follow is also the eternal Word that defines the curvature of space, the speed of light and the gravitational constant. I believe that Word sees the germ spring to life in a seed, defines the explosion of a supernova in far-off place, planned the relentless beating of pulsars and the first beats of an infant's heart - and yet also keeps an eye on the traffic on the Westway.

And I also believe that the Word that gave every being its being - angels, humans, earthworms and devils - also defines the meaning and moral laws of the universe. I won't claim I could derive moral laws from scientific laws. But I think of that quote of Martin Luther King, quoting Theodore Parker - about the arc of the universe bending towards justice. I don't think of this as a fixed law about how history will work. Because I can see how often history does not go forward as if predetermined to get better. But I do believe that this reasonable, predictable universe gives us the structure in which we can do good, and can work for good. If we want to be in line with the one who made the universe, we need to be working for justice.

And the Colossians are told - how does this God of the laws of physics and of justice behave with respect to God's creation? Is it a matter of "job well done", and a beer and burger on that heavenly, metaphysical patio? Standing back, admiring the way the 1/r2 law keeps everything going round in circles? Smirking about the way all those fine-tuned constants just keep the place going? Spotting the justice and injustice and marking them in a book, like God's got VAR and is checking what we do in case - unknown to the observers on the pitch - we were actually offside when we scored our goals?

No, because this Christ was sent into the world. Took all God's fullness and planted them in the body of a young woman. Was pushed out into the world kicking and screaming. And who would have more right to kick and scream, knowing how things could be and how they would be? Spent thirty-three years facing the same happinesses, hardships, uncertainties, pains, griefs, love and rejections that we all do. Spent those years subject to the same physical laws that we do - made from the same stuff as stars and earthworms.

And then showed up all of the earth's empires for what they really are. Because if the empire famous for its laws murdered the creator of the universe - just what do human ambition, the lust for power, the desire to rule over others, the need to have someone to blame - just what do they achieve? The emptiness of all the world's empires and oppressors is shown up, as the one in whom all the fullness of God is emptied of lifeblood on a a cross.

And so the moral law of this universe is that all the weakness of a murdered carpenter is all the power of the ever-living One who keeps the planets in their orbit. That God dies, deserted by his friends and surrounded by those that nobody would believe - if they said he rose to life again.


That if you want to see God, you look up at the stars, but bow down with the poor and refugees and victims of violence and unjustly accused.That empires will pass away. And that this whole world is the throne where the king is seen in glory. God came to earth to draw all people up. Look up and see that bloodied face on the cross - because there is the true ruler of the world.


Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.

Thursday, 21 November 2019

Liturgy for the Appointment of a Surprising and Yet Oddly Predicable Football Manager

(On the appointment of Jose Mourinho to replace Mauricio Pochettino as Tottenham Hotspur manager)

Archdruid: When the Spurs got to the Champions League Final

All: It was like they were living in a dream.

Archdruid: Obviously, we didn't want them to win.

All: But it was nice to have another English club there, one that seemed to do things the right way.

Archdruid: But now we realise they have been punching above their weight.

All: They are as if, having beaten Goliath, David went back to getting beaten up by rabbits

Archdruid: Or the rock-hyraxes

All: Or the badgers that frolic among the ruins.

 Archdruid: And now we hear grumbling from Walthamstow, from Hackney and even as far afield as Stevenage and Huntingdon.

All: Where dwell the posh Londoners in exile, who once lived on the east side of the Hackney marshes.

Archdruid: And the cry goes up unto heaven. Or even the chairman's office.

All: And so a change is made, and a man with a pout from a far-off land replaces the man with a puffer jacket from another far-off land.

Archdruid: But will it be as when David replaced Saul?

All: Or as when Jeconiah replaced Jehoiakim?

Archdruid: We're not prophets.

All: But we're going with the latter.


Want to support this blog? Want a good laugh? (or to shudder at death at any rate? Then here's two ways you can keep the Archdruid in doilies...
If you want someone to share the terrors of death while making you laugh, we have "A Hint of Death in the Morning Air" - 97 poems to make you wonder, laugh or shake your head sadly. At only £1 on Kindle. Or if you want to know what the people in the pews really think, and you prefer your words printed on paper, why not try "Writes of the Church"?  The letters to the Church magazine the vicar really didn't need.