Wednesday 27 November 2019

Looking After Little Jacob

Don't know if anyone can help here.

I've been doing a favour for someone I was at college with. Said they'd a bit of an embarrassing situation and could I help. And of course, I said yes. Well, you do, don't you? You never know when you might be  needing a favour back. I mean, after the election one wants to ensure one's tax-free status is maintained.

And it's been three weeks now and this is becoming a real problem. I mean, I understand the Tories want to hide Jacob Rees Mogg away from humankind. And the tunnel between the Great House and the Abbey is obviously an excellent hiding place. Apart from my brother, Mrs Rochester his keeper, a few ghost nuns, and a random selection of legendary Pokémon, nobody has needed to hear any of his gaffs. He's not embarrassed his party in public all that time.

But it's a real problem now. He's been down there these three long weeks, and it's New Moon, and  the preternatural lusts are rising. And if he should find a way to separate his soul from his body and slip through the bars - a double-breasted phantom swooping through the glades of Aspley Heath - who knows what might happen? We really need an answer.

Does anyone know what to feed a Rees Mogg?

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1 comment :

  1. Off course, you will also have to shelter his whole family, because from what I have seen of them, they are carbon copies of JRM. Now that would be a penance for the Arch Druid for Advent. Just imagine opening all of the doors on the Advent Calendar to find pictures of the whole family, in striking poses, staring out at you. And the tiny chocolate figures all designed as JRM lounging on various sofa's looking quite disinterested.


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