Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Higgs Boson Makes His Plans

You may remember we were the first blog to break the news that not only had the Higgs Boson been discovered, but it was the Sun wot found it, by hacking Higgsy's phone. We then filled you in on the phone messages left by Higgs's wife and mother, celebrity keyboard-playing scientist Brian Cox and David Cameron.

Now I've received the following message:

"Archdruid? It's me. Higgsy.

Now I know this may sound a bit strange, me contacting you and everything. But I'm an elusive object that some people think is imaginary. So I guess you know how I'm feeling.

Word's on the cyclotron that somebody's spotted me. I can't take that chance, Eileen - I'm not going back inside. I'm a free particle. Although a bit smaller than a free radical. Nobody's gonna capture me.

So when those white-coated goons stand up tomorrow - if they tell you they've found me, then just remember - I couldn't be banged up again. And I can't stand going rounding in circles any longer.  I'm off to the Ecuadorian Embassy. If they can stand having two objects that think the whole universe depends on them."


  1. I always thought that a Particle was something to do with someone associated with a certain type of mead? Because, people partook of it during the Pilgrims Progress. I have visions of large, clay flagons on tables at which weary pilgrims sit to wash away the dust of the long road to Canterbury.

    Now, I'm informed it's something to do with atomic theory and all of that science stuff. I don't remember when I was training as a Radiation Safety Officer that we spoke of particles, we spoke of atoms and all that.

    Still, I can be reassured that drinking large particles of mead has a similar effect of an atomic explosion if consumed in enough volume.

  2. I hope they'd have shared those large flagons around in the old, pre-swine-flu, manner. Otherwise they'd have never made it to Canterbury.


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