Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Liturgical Crashing

Of course, I'd forgotten that the Retreat had on its schedule a Liturgical Dancing Workshop after breakfast.

They're using the Mr Collins Ballroom, which was built when this place was first erected in Queen Jane Austen's time. It's got a beautifully sprung floor, and was just the thing for half a dozen to ten young flowers of the South Midllands squirearchy looking for the perfect beau.

The floor also stands up quite well to a dozen stocky Matrons of the Shires in leggings, it turns out. Unfortunately my office is below the Ballroom and I was nearly shaken out of my skin when the first bars of "Teach me to dance to the beat of your Heart" were played. And twenty-four feet started smashing into the boards. As I say, it's a well-sprung floor but I reckon it must have bounced two feet.

For a minute I thought that we were being raided by LOCOG for being rude about Voldesport, the event that cannot be named. But now I realise there was no danger of that - how would they be able to get enough G4S employees in one place to carry out a raid?

So I've shifted my workplace this morning to the Conservatory. I'll go back to the office at lunchtime, to see how much plaster needs replacing.

1 comment :

  1. The problem with liturgical dance is that the Vicar inevitably has two left feet.

    As our Vicar twirled our curate the other sunday, it was a picture to behold. The curate who is quite effeminate seemed to really enjoy it. Not so the congregation, who stamped their feet in disapproval.

    Unfortunately, the Vicar mistook this for approval and launched into a Tango, with the inevitable consequences for the font, which tipped over, spilling holy water all over the verger.

    The aim of all of this was to illustrate a sermon during a family service that dance was a valid expression of our worship. After seeing it, it definitely gets a NO vote from us.


Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl