Monday, 29 July 2013

Reclassification of Mythical Creatures

You may have noticed over the years, Dear Readers, that the Beaker Folk community is surprisingly well-stocked with mythical creatures.  Every four years,  we have to ensure they are correctly categorised, to ensure they qualify for the appropriate Arts Council grants - especially important when you consider that this Government has cut the Mythical Creatures budget by 46% in real terms   We have spent the last two weeks re-assessing our imaginary friends, and the results are below:

The Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Grade 1 decayed former nature god. Since he is Greek, he will be applying for funding to the German Government.

Herne the Hunter - Authentic folk revival, entitled to a grant from English Heritage.

Various unicorns - Standard mythical creatures preservation grant, provided we manage their woodlands organically.

Wodewose - as a ferocious wood-dwelling creature with the strength of ten, and a 1000-year history in English Folklore, we are hoping to get funding for the next Olympics.

Various talking badgers - laying low.

Nymphs, dryads and hamadryads - have given up on getting anything out of British Waterways or the Forestry Commission, in the current financial environment. Thinking of getting jobs with the Met Office.


  1. Why are the talking badgers laying low? I'm not really familiar with badgers, talking or otherwise, but surely practically any talking animal fits into one mythological system or another and should surely be entitled to a grant!

  2. What was he doing, the great god Pan, down by the reeds in the river? Filling in a Street Entertainment Licence Application.

  3. Listeny to Professor Stanley Unwin as he holdit forthbold on his own mythicole creaturelodes. Pleasit redirecty your eardrobes and eyefolders to YouTubus wherm you may findit a videode in whichit Professor Unwin discussy his twom mythicole animoles - the Pegus Agriffy and his joyleful Quadrupine.

    Stanley Unwin Animal Life In Misilly

    Pleasit Nokers: No mythicole animoles werm harmit durit the productione of this commentlode. Deeperest apologizers if this
    wordage is in the wrongful threadyberl.



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