You may have noticed over the years, Dear Readers, that the Beaker Folk community is surprisingly well-stocked with mythical creatures. Every four years, we have to ensure they are correctly categorised, to ensure they qualify for the appropriate Arts Council grants - especially important when you consider that this Government has cut the Mythical Creatures budget by 46% in real terms We have spent the last two weeks re-assessing our imaginary friends, and the results are below:
The Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Grade 1 decayed former nature god. Since he is Greek, he will be applying for funding to the German Government.
Herne the Hunter - Authentic folk revival, entitled to a grant from English Heritage.
Various unicorns - Standard mythical creatures preservation grant, provided we manage their woodlands organically.
Wodewose - as a ferocious wood-dwelling creature with the strength of ten, and a 1000-year history in English Folklore, we are hoping to get funding for the next Olympics.
Various talking badgers - laying low.
Nymphs, dryads and hamadryads - have given up on getting anything out of British Waterways or the Forestry Commission, in the current financial environment. Thinking of getting jobs with the Met Office.