I'm pleased to announce to the Beaker People that we've this evening concluded the annual review of salaries for the Druidical synod.
We are raising salaries for the synod (ie myself, Young Keith, and the Hnaefs) by an average of 12%. This reflects the increasingly stressful nature of the job, the responsibilities we carry and the fact that we get to vote on our own pay. I hope you understand that it's very important that we pay all the druids well, as this level of pay attracts the right people for the job. ie, ourselves.
As a result of this pay rise, unfortunately all prices in the Beaker Bazaar will rise by 10% overnight. Also, voluntary tithes will, we hope, rise in line with these wages. Or, if not, we'll want to know why. After all, we're all in this together,
I'm afraid that Performance Related Pay is always sneaked in alongside any sort of decent pay-rise these days. All of you will have a performance target of a 10% increase in the number of souls making it to Tir n'a Nog (or the Beaker equivalent, if you are pre-Celtic traddies).
ReplyDeleteThere will be a knitting quota based on the winter needs of all the stray baptists/policemen/horned celtic gods that seem to infest the local woods without paying council tax.
Finally - there will be regular stock-checks of tea lights and frumenty (also known as furmity) as there have been incidents of wife selling as far north as Stockport - and your names have been mentioned.
I suggest that this is set aside as totally unfair and undemocratic. In fact, what you need is an independent pay body (like that of Parliament) which can award extravagent rises, in line with the job responsibilities and which only require you to turn up three days a week, have long, paid holidays and have an occasional shouting match in the moot house.
ReplyDeleteThe ideal solution, inflation proof and as it's independent (only relatives) it will go down well with the mugs - sorry punters.
Charlii, you're a credit to your teacher. That explanation was worthy of Eileen at her most trenchant, and from one so young..... I'm not sure whether the Beaker Folk will know what's hit them when you really get into your stride.
ReplyDeleteA lacrosse stick, I thought.
ReplyDeleteLOL!
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