"Dear God, you who above all stand for the purity of the faith, we pray for our Acting Archdruid, Charlii. We pray for her to overcome her inexperience, and limited intellectual ability, and for her to understand the truth of your faith.
Help her to overcome the inevitable distractions that such a young woman must surely suffer, help to drive down her physical needs - though only you know, Lord, why she'd expect those needs to be met by Young Keith - and let her instead focus on her spiritual life - spending time in pure and unsullied meditation, rather than succumbing to the lusts of youth. Lord, you know it's occasionally unavoidable but disgusting - and I'm sure you're right.
Especially we pray for her to learn that the Book of James is not something to be used as a way of counterbalancing Salvation by Faith Alone. Give her the insight to realise her failings, and to amend her presumably slack approach to Bible study and meditation on the Holy Scripture.
And help her to realise that, in considering the relationship of faith and works - that faith always comes first, and that the works that we achieve are merely the window-dressing of a life of faith - and let's face it, Lord, it's just as well, isn't it, in the circumstances?
And when she remarks that you love a cheerful giver, Lord, give her the discernment to know that many of us give an appropriate amount already - especially having taken account of mortgage payments, the new top-rate of tax, VAT and the increasing difficulty of finding suitable off-shore investments. Whereas she is living rent-free in Eileen's suite of rooms.
And above all, we pray for Charlii to gain an increased amount of wisdom and godliness, very fast. Or if that is not your will, we pray for a suitable replacement.
Amen"In future, I'm going to move the prayers to before the sermon.