Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Bling it On

Now it's Christmas, the Beaker Folk have been asking me what precisely they are allowed to use in a festive manner, from what date.

I should say I'm not a keen celebrator of early Christmas. Partly because I appreciate liturgical cycles, and partly because of that time eight years ago when I tried to pull down the bling from the then-Moot House and ended up in MK General having thatch removed from various awkward locations.
Still, Guy Fawkes is over now. And the Diwali celebrations are going to be muted now our trained monkeys are working in the Labour PR department. So we may as well remember the reason for the season. Which is, of course, having vague feelings of goodwill with no moral or eschatological implications.

9-14 November "Season of Pre-selling"

Decorations in designated commercial areas (Beaker Bazaar; Offering Plates; Canteen)
Woolly hats, fleeces with images of penguins, polar bears, reindeer, Bambi.

15-30 November "Little Bling"
  • Lights on all available roofs, in trees, on walls and shelves. But, only in red in keeping with the liturgical season. We're not evangelicals, after all.
  • Mince pies
  • Wall-to-wall Xmas films on the Beaker TV channel.
  • Santa hats, but not full outfits. 
  • Mince pies
  • Sweaters with pictures of holly
  • "Spaceman came travelling" by Chris de Burgh
  • Xmas trees on desks, in the Beaker Canteen and the Moot House.
"So that the villagers can say, 'The Church looks nice' on All Saints' Day"
31 November (Delayed Halloween)

During this conceptual period between two real dates, we will light candles in punkies and hang them in trees to scare off evil spirits. Also eat Christmas puddings.

1-12 December ("Greater Bling")
  • Violet or bright blue LED bling
  • Slade
  • Dancing reindeer
  • Singing snowmen,
  • Ties with festive pictures
  • Santas, 
  • Fully-decked trees.
  • Christmas jumpers
  • Reindeer onesies
  • Full Santa outfits
  • "It's a Wonderful Life" loop on the Wonderwall.

13-24 December (proper Christmas)
  • White LED bling (and blue, red, yellow, green)
  • Frankly, anything vaguely Christmassy you like.
  • Life-size Stephen Fry suits
  • Massive baubles the size of beach balls
  • Dressing up as holly bushes
  • Nothing but Kirsty & the Pogues
  • Crocodile onesies
  • Ronnie Corbett masks

25 December onwards (Easter)
Creme eggs
Buying bling in the sales

1 comment :

  1. IT IS NOT CHRISTMAS YET, NOT EVEN ADVENT. Please desist with these fanciful imaginings which downgrade the feast of the Birth of our Saviour to a commercial mish-mash of platitudes and spending.


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