Sunday, 22 November 2015

Those Banned Church Media Ventures in Full

Congratulations to the Church of England in finally getting something banned as being disturbing to people waiting to see porn, torture, films involving adultery or science fiction franchises in which whole planets are destroyed. The C of E has worked hard enough at it. But it's the first real major public success.

The "Lord's Prayer" advert is just one of many attempts to get something Christian banned in this country's media. The Millennium Prayer, for instance, was still played on the BBC and made it to Number 1 despite being absolutely shocking. But here we remember just a few of the Church media endeavours over the year that got banned, yet never made the headlines.

"Robbie says Relax, Don't Do It" (1984)  - The then-Archbishop of Canterbury's attempt to discourage active homosexuality was always doomed to fail.

"Don't let's be Beastly to the Liberals" (1994) As the tide turned in favour of Evangelicalism, Noël Richards wrote this satirical song about the need to respect those who didn't really believe in the Bible.

"The Romans in Britain" (1980)  - Accidentally showing this biography of St Augustine of Canterbury instead of Howard Brenton's play, the National Theatre quickly corrected its mistake.

"Ebeneezer Good" (1992) This attempt to raise awareness by an Independent Baptist chapel in Buckinghamshire was sadly eclipsed by the Shamen hit of the same name.

"Never Mind the B*ll*cks, Here's the Church of England" (1977) - When the youth of the country were wearing strange clothes and complaining they were marginalised, misunderstood and nobody liked them, the clergy of the Established Church didn't understand why they didn't fit into the same category.

"A Clockwork Orangeman" - Never caught on in the Republic of Ireland.

"Glad to be Gray" (1977) - the attempt by the Methodist Church to celebrate the average age of their congregation fell foul of the BBC's attempts to court the youf market. Janet Street Porter was concerned that this was a direct attack on her hairstyle.

"Je t'aime.... le bon Dieu" (2012) - The duet between Gary Barlow and Susan Boyle was banned because of the heavy breathing.

"God save the King/Queen" (1744)  - A recording of the National Anthem that was rejected for being "overtly political" and "supporting a feudalist and Caledophobic narrative". Had to be trimmed to the first verse before it was acceptable for singing. And even now, cinemas refuse to play it before every show.

"I Vow to Thee, My Country", "Lord of the Dance", "Imagine" - Not actually banned. Just should be.

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