Join the Beaker campaign for middle class rights, and we will ensure that nobody in Bedfordshire has more than three miles to go for a bagel again.
Our demands are:
- Free Wi-Fi on trains.
- Waitroses in all market towns.
- More brioches in the media.
- A national road-widening scheme to make more space for people-carriers and 4x4s.
- Recognition that Agas are a necessity, and therefore exempt from VAT.
- Kirsty Allsopp to be London Mayor.
- House prices to be broadcast after the weather.
- Assertiveness on the national curriculum.
- Immunity from prosecution for those who lie about living in the school catchment area.
- Hermes to subcontract to people with nicer cars.
- Complaining about "gentrification" to be reclassified as a hate crime.
- Michael Roux to be mandatory on all TV channels.
- Car washing to be the established religion of the United Kingdom.
- Received Pronunciation to be recognised as a separate language to more common forms of English.
- Mary Berry to be listed.
Until our demands are met, we will not cease our quiet grumbling in M+S, our tutting on the Tube and our