Want to support this blog?

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

The Vampire Strikes Bat

Bit worried about Drayton Parslow.

The little bell tower in St Bogwulf's Chapel has always been inhabited by bats. I swear my ancestors installed them when they built the place. They were a funny bunch, the Fitzroy-Russells.

But Husborne Crawley bats have always been a bit... unusual. We've traditionally just left rare steak out for them in the hope they'll leave us alone.

But against all our warnings Drayton had to go up there to find additional storage space for copies of the "Redemption Hymnal". He collects them from closing chapels - says they'll be needed when the End comes.

Brushing aside my injunction to him, that these bats are uncanny, as " superstitious, Papist nonsense ", up he went. There was a whirring sound, some screaming and then Drayton came down looking battered and bloody.

Sure, he said he was alright, as we left him last night. But I dunno.

Is it normal for Baptist ministers to hang by their ankles from roof beams?


  1. Steak? Ah yes, that goes straight to the heart,

  2. Dunk him in running water. If he leaps out saying that his baptism has been renewed, you are in the clear. If, on the other hand, he dissolves down to his skeleton....call for Peter Cushing.

  3. As a Baptist lay preacher I can assure you it is quite normal for our ministers to sleep upside down. He'll be president of the union quicker than I'll get sacked for misbehaviour.


Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl