(Some Beaker Folk maintain that Athanasius deliberately died at this time of year so that Beltanetide could be appropriated for a Christian festival. I'd normallly maintain this kind of thing is tosh, but given it's Athanasius.... I wouldn't put anything beyond his zeal for truth).
Archdruid: A top o' the mornin' to yer.
All: We're ready to shine.
HYMN: Holy, Holy, Holy
All: Well, that was a bit of farce.
Archdruid: Yes. Next year we'll work out which "Holy Holy Holy" we're singing in advance, and make it quite clear to the individual members of the Music Group and the one with the Gift of Overhead Projection.
ANNUAL QUICK LOOK AT THE ATHANASIAN CREED
Mrs Hnaef: It's a bit long, isn't it?
Eileen: Well, there was a lot of heresy about.
Charlii: Do we have to believe that bit?
Eileen: That bit about "coeternal"? I suppose so. I'm just trying to work out what it means.
Charlii: No, the bit about eternal fire.
Hnaef: We don't believe that bit anymore. Just the rest. I always say "in a very real sense" at the end. It's the
ecclesiastical equivalent of ironic "quote" marks in the air.
All: Will you stop doing the ironic "quote" marks in the air???
Hnaef: "Whatever".
All: He did it again!
High-pitched voice from the back: "Stone him! Stone him!" [Suddenly lower voice] "Stone him!"
A South African (or, as it may be, German) voice from the back: Are we still barbarians? We don't stone people for heresy these days. We just let them form their own pressure groups.
High-pitched voice from the back: Or burn them, with everlasting fire!
Eileen: Have you seen the price at the pumps? and besides, Doreen, isn't it time for your Anglican Mainstream meeting?
Doreen: No, I'm going to counselling for that... tendency now. I'm hoping to be ex-attention seeker.
Eileen: OK. Seems to me the best thing we can do, to avoid offence to non-Trinitarians, and people that don't like long liturgy, is just to read a couple of lines in Latin. That way it sounds lovely and we don't have to agree with it.
All: Quicumque vult salvus esse, ante omnia opus est, ut teneat catholicam fidem: Quam nisi quisque integram inviolatamque servaverit, absque dubio in aeternam peribit. Fides autem catholica haec est.
Archdruid: Lovely.
Doreen: Can we burn them now then?
Archdruid: A top o' the mornin' to yer.
All: We're ready to shine.
HYMN: Holy, Holy, Holy
All: Well, that was a bit of farce.
Archdruid: Yes. Next year we'll work out which "Holy Holy Holy" we're singing in advance, and make it quite clear to the individual members of the Music Group and the one with the Gift of Overhead Projection.
ANNUAL QUICK LOOK AT THE ATHANASIAN CREED
Mrs Hnaef: It's a bit long, isn't it?
Eileen: Well, there was a lot of heresy about.
Charlii: Do we have to believe that bit?
Eileen: That bit about "coeternal"? I suppose so. I'm just trying to work out what it means.
Charlii: No, the bit about eternal fire.
Hnaef: We don't believe that bit anymore. Just the rest. I always say "in a very real sense" at the end. It's the
ecclesiastical equivalent of ironic "quote" marks in the air.
All: Will you stop doing the ironic "quote" marks in the air???
Hnaef: "Whatever".
All: He did it again!
High-pitched voice from the back: "Stone him! Stone him!" [Suddenly lower voice] "Stone him!"
A South African (or, as it may be, German) voice from the back: Are we still barbarians? We don't stone people for heresy these days. We just let them form their own pressure groups.
High-pitched voice from the back: Or burn them, with everlasting fire!
Eileen: Have you seen the price at the pumps? and besides, Doreen, isn't it time for your Anglican Mainstream meeting?
Doreen: No, I'm going to counselling for that... tendency now. I'm hoping to be ex-attention seeker.
Eileen: OK. Seems to me the best thing we can do, to avoid offence to non-Trinitarians, and people that don't like long liturgy, is just to read a couple of lines in Latin. That way it sounds lovely and we don't have to agree with it.
All: Quicumque vult salvus esse, ante omnia opus est, ut teneat catholicam fidem: Quam nisi quisque integram inviolatamque servaverit, absque dubio in aeternam peribit. Fides autem catholica haec est.
Archdruid: Lovely.
Doreen: Can we burn them now then?
Are we supposed to believe the Arcane Words of his creed? Oh, yeah, it's our Christian foundation isn't it.
ReplyDeleteI was looking in the bible to see where Jesus recited it - but couldn't find it anywhere.
So, it looks as if it's a man-made cobble together bits and pieces of dogma to try to convince us that what we know and accept, can be compressed into 184 words, two minutes of speech.
It takes hours for theologians to expound this stuff, so how can we be expected to agree with all of the concepts expressed in that time. It's a lifetimes work.
So, I'll stick to the Apostles Creed, much more manageable.
I am reminded of Joseph Campbell's quote: "Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically, but when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble."
ReplyDeleteIsn't it true, CB, that the metaphors only work as long as we don't see them as metaphors?
ReplyDeleteApparently the proper method of dealin with heretics is much simpler then burning - breaking their legs does the job!
ReplyDeleteGood grief, Archimandrite. Surely just cooking a nice roast would be less trouble all round?
ReplyDeleteIs that a metaphor?
ReplyDelete