Cider Vinegar "Can Cure Death"

You know, ever since that mould grew in Number 1 Vat in the Beaker Cider Shed, we've been asking ourselves the all-important question: how can we make the most money out of this? And we've realised that the obvious answer is, people don't much like doctors and can be persuaded that everyday food products are actually medicine. So,  with a flu epidemic and colds ravaging the country and Storm Boris about to bring in giant winds, here's a quick run down of what cider vinegar can do for you.  Note that Beaker Cider Vinegar (£4.99 for 100ml at the Beaker Bazaar) is 100% organic. As if we'd kept everything clean properly with sulfite, we'd still have drinkable cider.

1. If you're already well, a glass of mixed cider vinegar and apple juice can make you feel all virtuous.
2. If you're feeling the cold, or "a bit nesh" as the physicians say, the juice of half a lemon and a thimble of cider vinegar is repulsive.
3. Add cider vinegar and salt to fish and chips to make them nearly as nice as using proper vinegar.
4. Using cider vinegar as a topical application for piles will make you wonder why you ever complained about the pain before.
5. If you dilute cider vinegar to homoeopathic proportions it is invaluable for hydration. Or washing the car. 
6. A teaspoon in half a glass of orange juice can remove all symptoms of the common cold within 3-4 weeks.
7. Used neat on stains on clothes you can give them a nice "apple vinegar" smell.
8. A broken leg can be treated by drinking a couple of glasses of cider vinegar, and then going to hospital.
9. A cup every day (UK size "Sports Direct" mug) will make you invulnerable to the ageing process.
10. Add a drop of elderflower cordial and it will save your eternal soul as well.

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Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you. From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.