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Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

Sunday, 16 June 2019

All those other Trinity Sunday illustrations you really shouldn't use


  1. Three-pin plug (live, neutral earth - oh the wondrous plugginess of the bakelite. Aren't plugs made of bakelite these days?
  2. Perichoresis. Unless you really understand what it means.
  3. Bubble machine (the soap, the water, the air inside... and... ooh the surface tension. Is that 4? Or is the surface tension like the all-God-together bit? Look! Bubbles!
  4. Potato (chips, mash, roast)
  5. Clover (see cartoony St Patrick)
  6. The Toyah Wilcox song, It's a Mystery
  7.  "And the Son does what he's told because he's a good Son who always does what he's told. And the Spirit's like the tomboy who's always up a tree or running through a field of wheat when she should be making tea...
  8. Boris Johnson (two faces but talks out of somewhere else entirely)
  9. A nice cup of tea (milk, water, tea and - who's put sugar in this? You know I don't take sugar.
  10. Liverpool's front 3. You may think they're divine. But totally inappropriate. Especially for two of them. 
  11. Pebbles. I know what you're thinking. Limestone/Chalk/Marble yet all CaCO3? Then add some vinegar and only the marble remains? Heretic. Heretic.
  12. That video featuring a cartoony St Patrick
  13. The triple point of water. Unless you understand phase diagrams. In which case you will know not to use it anyway. Never use an illustration that is outside people's everyday experience.
  14. The lifecycle of a frog or butterfly. 
  15. Tea lights (the flame, the heat, the light).
  16. The three members of the Jam.
  17. A family (mum, dad, child, other child, dad's other children in other families, some totally unknown, because it's Boris Johnson's family etc).
Basically my advice is, never use an illustration for the Trinity. As Toyah Wilcox one said, "It's a mystery". And don't forget. An egg is just for Easter.




Want to support this blog?
Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

2 comments :

  1. Jaffa Cakes. |Don't think about it too much, just eat a lot of them.

    ReplyDelete

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