Friday 8 November 2019

How Boris Johnson Stole Christmas

Narrator's Voice

In those days, the decree went out from Alexander de Pfeffelus that all people should go to their ancestral town, there to register their vote as to who should be the next emperor.

And Class 3C had been practising their Nativity Play since the term started in September. Samantha Bryant was Mary. And Shahid Khan was to play Joseph. Although there had been letters of complaint from Mr Robinson, because he said Joseph should be a white, Christian child just like the original Joseph.

But when the time came for them to perform the Nativity Play - and all the children had been cast, from the leading characters through the prettier girls who were angels - even unto the kids that had to play sheep, and donkeys, and duck-billed platypuses - they went unto the school. But there was no room there.

Because it was an polling station.

And the people waxed glum, and there was weeping and gnashing of teeth.

But the Parent Teachers Association was full of those who still believed in the Big Society - because they had once believed in David, the Shiny-Faced King. And so they said, OK we shall do this in the community centre instead.

Then three wise men came from the East. But they were Nigel Farage, George Galloway, and Sajid Javid. So this was swiftly downgraded to no wise men coming from any direction at all.

And King Herod heard that a child had been been born. Now Herod was a man with many wives and mistresses, who had so many children that he was not sure who they all were. And he was a useless ruler, but he tried to make himself popular through giant but pointless building projects. And when he heard that the child was not Joseph's he worried for a while. But discovering that it was not one of his, instead he treated the child with all the care he would apply to one of his citizens in prison in Persia. i.e. none at all.

And so the child and his family would have escaped to a far away land. But because of the restrictions on freedom of movement, they only got as far as Dartford before they got stuck in a traffic jam.

This all happened in the time when Trumpus was the President of America. And nobody governed Syria.


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1 comment :

  1. Brilliant! Many of us have memories of the Nativity Plays in which our children starred. One of my sons came home saying he was going to be a Red Indian in his Nativity Play. Somewhat mystified I managed to cobble together an Indian head dress complete with feathers while wondering how he would fit in to the play. I did not think there were many Red Indians in the Holy Land either then or now.
    All was revealed later at the performance - many of the children lined up to 'visit baby Jesus' each one wearing a different National Costume!

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